Monday, July 25, 2005

Look, I'm sorry,

...but your IV pump is not talking to you.

...but I can't get you a bigger room for free. There are no bigger rooms. Put that money away; I can't be bribed.

...but I simply won't give you a hundred of Phenergan to go with your 75 of Demerol.

...but the doctor won't be in today. It's nineteen on a Sunday.

...but we can't put your husband's head back just as it was. It's going to have to have plastic in it now.

...but I can't sleep with your son, no matter how badly you want him not to be gay.

...but she is just not going to get better. Not after a bleed like that.

...but I can't let your heroin dealer spend the night.

...but your twelve-week-old fetus is not telling you what to do.

...but that Chihuahua will have to go.

...but I can't give you that information. Yelling won't help.

...but there is no Playboy channel here.

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.


may said...

...and when the chihuahua is gone, your 10 year old son can't stay either, even though he is big for his age and is okay with the whole hospital thing.

Shannon said...

...but I can't go buy you cigarettes so you can smoke in your room. Even if you do blow it out the window, "they" will still know.

Anonymous said...

hang on. there's no softcore porn in hospitals???

the hell with this, i'm dropping outta nursing school right now.

(hi, i'm an avid reader with several years of part-time school to go. reading here makes me feel like i'm spending more brain energy on what i WANT to be doing, rather than waiting tables. grumble.)

Love,Mom said...

ROFL, you make my home health (my job)oatients sound like totally sane, rocket scientists!
I've linked my blog to yours so others can enjoy...

HypnoKitten said...

You'll see enough naked people doing bizarre things to make up for the lack of porn.


HypnoKitten said...

oops - I forgot:

Look, I'm sorry but the waiting room is not your private hotel room to pull all the couch cushions apart, throw them on the floor to sleep on, spill food all over the floor, leave newspapers in a million pieces around the area, empty and half-full food containers laying around, and then walk away leaving it like that. The area is supposed to be shared by ALL of the visitors, not used as a camp site by your family. And the trash can is that big, white thing with the hole in the top.

and I'm also sorry, but it's really not an ok idea to let your infant crawl around on the floor in the ICU. You see how he's putting his hand in his mouth now?

shrimplate said...

Yes, I know your doctor told you that you may go outside to smoke if your nurse goes with you. But, I'm a little busy right now. Later? No, I'll be busy later, too. How about never? Is never good for you? That I can do.