Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I am *so* done with you.

Just a tip:

If you plan to seize eight times in four hours, please seize at least once during the five hours that you're in the EEG lab. That will save a lot of trouble.

If you're not going to seize in that five hours, please don't seize twice in the five minutes it takes to transport you from the lab to your room.

And, for God's sake, if you do *that*, seize just one goddamned time after I've set up the incredibly complex and nasty portable EEG monitor and glued things to your head. Okay? Okay.

And one more thing, this for another patient:

If I tell you to hold still, it means *hold still*. As in, STOP MOVING. As in stop fucking wriggling around, or this line that's in your artery, or going into your heart, or just in the wrong damn place, will puncture something that I won't be able to put pressure on.

And, while I'm at it, don't tell me how much more money I could be making as a fucking medical equipment sales rep, because that would mean I have to give up this incredibly rewarding and satisfying job, holding you down so you don't kill your own money-grubbing, shallow, awful self.


Anybody wanna buy a DynaMap?


me said...

Yeah those reps do make an obscene amount of money though. So do pharmaceutical sales reps, apparently.

shrimplate said...

Got me a DynaMap tricked out with a 1000-watt cattle prod. It's a a guy thing, really. Bet you could dig it, though.

You get used to that burning smell.