Thursday, February 04, 2010

*#^&$ Seven-Layer Dip. *#$*@ being awake at night...


Obviously, I have the night off. Also just as obviously, I've not managed to flip days and nights successfully on my nights off. This would not be a problem, except that the DMV opens after my bedtime tomorrow morning, and I have to get my license renewed.

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So I'm looking up recipes for Seven-Layer Dip and pondering the breakfast I had this--well, yesterday, now--morning.

Fellow Intern Anna and I met up for breakfast at a place where, no kidding and no exaggeration, the pancakes are a foot across and an inch thick. An omelette with all the fixings (potatoes, biscuit that's the size of a half a loaf of bread, gravy) will run you twelve bucks, but it's three meals.

Anyway, as I was plowing through a quarter of one of my pancakes, she told me about a minor procedure she'd screwed up the night before. It's one of those things that they didn't cover in the internship. The screw-up was tiny, not harmful to the patient, but got the resident annoyed and made Anna feel like a dope.

Turns out it's covered in the CCU protocol.

"There's a protocol for that?" I said.

"There's a protocol for everything, apparently." she replied.

"Well, that's a good thing to know. Better late than never. Where are the protocols?"

"Nobody knows."

I wish I'd been surprised. "You mean we have protocols somewhere in a three-ring binder, but nobody knows where it is?"

"Yep," she sighed. "And the CCU protocols are supposed to be online as well, but every time you click the link to the practice and protocol pages, it lands you on the page that asks for a password, then tells you that yours is invalid and kicks you back out. Nobody can access it."


"Uh-huh. *And* the only official protocols are the ones online, so even if we managed to find the binder where the old protocols are, we couldn't use those."

"Well," I said, "It's nice to know that there are standards of practice and ways of doing things, even if we're not allowed to see them. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside."

Anna stirred her coffee and stared into the middle distance for a minute. "I wonder if my mom kept that decoder ring I bought from the back of a comic book when I was eight. Maybe *that* would get us in."

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This is, of course, Texas. The idea that anything associated with state government could actually work well (or at all) is pretty foreign. I mean, you're working in a research institution, you're trying to access the rules set forth for your practice by that State-funded institution, but you're not allowed to. That's pretty much how it goes here.

When I called about renewing my driver's license, the state DMV people told me that I had to bring a money order or cashier's check for the fee. They don't take personal checks any more; it was too hard for them to track down hot-check writers. Not enough information in their database, they said.


GingerJar said...

Too bad you have to renew right away. We renew our driver's license and taxes on the internet (and yes we live in Texas) because I detest waiting in lines. Last time I had to change my address and renew I made the mistake of going to the DMV with brand new bi-focal know the kind where one eye is the far vision and the other the close vision, and I had only gotten them the day before...surprise surprise surprise...I almost didn't pass the eye test, because it is not set up for "bifocal" contacts. You have to do close vision and far vision with each eye and together. what do I have on my license? That I need "corrective lenses"...which were already in place, go figure.

Anonymous said...

Here is an interesting blog post about what to eat after a 12 hr hosp shift:

Heidi said...

I knew that Texas would be troublesome when I moved here last year and took the online prep course for the Texas Nursing Jurisprudence exam. The course covers Texas nursing regs, and the answer to every question (such as, can an LVN administer an IV bolus) began . . . That depends . . .!

"Head Nurse's State-Funded Institutional Online Protocol Access" will now become my official quintessential metaphor for all that is wrong with comtemporary healthcare management!

sp0okY said...

Dude. Ambien CR. Best. Stuff. Ever.
I couldn't switch back on my nights off after about a year and half on nights. Now I can, thanks to God blessed pharmacology. No side effects either, or lingering effects. Give me 5-6 hours and I wake up good as new.