Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Bonus Lazy Wednesday Post: Apple Crisp Thingy!

Preheat your oven to 350* or thereabouts. Ten degrees either way won't matter.

Peel, if you feel like it, and core two apples (if they're big) or three (if they're small). I use a mixture of 2/3 Honeycrisp to 1/3 Granny Smith, if you're being particular.

Slice them thickly or chop them into chunks, whichever takes less energy.

Open a bottle of wine or beer. Take a swig.

Set the chopped apples aside in a pie pan.

Take a big bowl, or maybe just a big-ish bowl, out of the cabinet, or you can use a roasting pan, or whatever. No biggie.

Mix roughly a cup of rolled oats (not steel cut or instant) with a half-cup of flour in that bowl/pan/whatever.

Add about a third of a cup of brown sugar.

Sprinkle on some nutmeg and cinnamon. Maybe toss in some salt if you can be bothered.

Take another swig.

In the microwave, or with the power of your mind, melt about a quarter cup of butter. Sometimes I use more--way more, like a half-cup. Anyway, melt away.

When the butter's done melting, and you've maybe had a few Fritos and perhaps a slice of leftover pizza and put on your sweatpants, dump that stuff into your flour/oat mixture and stir like crazy for as long as you can stand it, or until the ingredients are pretty much mixed.

Take another swig. Consider the genesis of Fritos. Be thankful for them.

Now dump that flour/oat stuff atop your apples, making at least some effort to get it mostly even across and around the apples.

Pop that bad boy in the oven for 40 minutes or thereabouts, or until the apples are tender. If you can't be bothered to fish a knife out of a drawer, just look for little bubbles of apple-y juices around the edge.

Top with cream or ice cream or just eat it on its own.

Apply to face.


Crabby McSlacker said...

Sounds delicious and I love the instructions! Far too many recipes leave out the important bits, like the amount of beer or wine you should down while cooking.

And in my mind, anything with apples and oats counts as a health food, safely canceling out any ill effects of butter and sugar.

kg said...

This is a huge bonus! Thank you!

Penny Mitchell said...

Question: The power of my mind isn't melting the butter. Do I need more beer?

Ellie said...

Oh baby. That sounds like my kind of crumble :)

Rat said...

num num num......

Anonymous said...

You are freaking hilarious! Tasty crisp, I'm sure.

I must do some confessin, nurse: you are totally twisting my arm to go back to nursing school. I'm so over the culinary field. Next year? All about learning some nursey shit.

Anonymous said...

Love fritos. Especially now that there are scoops, and you can eat your chili off them like a spoon.

paris said...

This is possibly the most delightful recipe I've ever read. I'd give anything for an entire book of recipes written this way. Takes the 'daunting' element out of cooking after a long day. You are hilarious! Thanks so much for this.

wendryn said...

I made this last night. I was taking it somewhere and I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol, so I didn't do the swigging part, but maybe I'll do that next time. It made both me and my husband smile. He doesn't use recipes if he can help it, but he said he could stand to use this one.

It tasted extremely good!

Thank you! :)

Oh, and the word verification is "burpe" which I find amusing.