Monday, September 27, 2010

What Not To Do, Volume Whatever (*waves hands*)

1. No matter how homelike the lobby of Sunnydale might seem, it's not acceptable to bring in and set up a grill in said lobby and then commence to cooking hotdogs.

2. If Grandma is sleeping in the back of your unairconditioned beater, don't roll up all the windows and lock all the doors and leave her there while you go in to the Wal-Mart for your weekly shopping. If you're going to do that, at least make sure it's not ninety-some-odd degrees out.

3. If I'm working on your wife, who's been trying to die for a good long while except that you keep insisting she be brought back, don't mumble (as I'm pushing succs and eto and versed) "They nearly killt her at Yeehawton General, they nearly killt her here..."

I might, in the stress of the moment, almost break out in giggles as I finish your sentence: "...they nearly killt her on the beaches; they nearly killt her in the streets; she shall NEVAH SURRENDAH!!" in my mind. That would be awkward.

4. The time to stick your head in the door and ask cheerfully if I want a flu shot is not as I'm busily coding the above person.

5. If your extremely aged long-term-care facility resident takes a sudden turn for the worse, please call report to me before she shows up. Or, failing that, at least check for a urinary tract infection before you transport her. It'd probably be obvious what the problem is once you do an in-and-out cath and are rewarded with urine the color and consistency of slightly thinned lemon yogurt. (Sorry, yogurt fans.) Or, failing *that*, make sure she's breathing when she leaves. It'll save the EMT guys a whole lot of trouble.

Thank you, and goodnight.


Andrea said...

Good fucking grief every time I turn around it's another gram fucking negative urosepsis half dead person from a nursing home.


/end rant

ps do you want a flu shot? WTF? That one made me smile.

I'm so sorry. This just seems to be happening way too often lately.

My hospital just got Stroke Center certified and I wish you were here to make sure I don't screw something up.

Jo said...


My excuse for everything these days is, "I have CANCER." Don't have a lab result? "I have CANCER." Want a chocolate malt? Sure! "I have CANCER."

When the vaccination RN poked her head in the door and asked if I wanted a flu shot, I replied, "Not just now" and she said, "Oh, yeah, I remember" and retreated.

It took me a minute, and then I nearly busted a gut.

As for stroke certification, don't count on me being any sort of guiding light. I tend to diagnose by intuition.

Crazed Nitwit said...

UTI is first thing we check when unusual behavior happens.

Come on, a flu shot during a code, seriously?

Common sense is sorely lacking in 90% of the population. Not that you don't know that.

Thanks for the giggle on never surrender!!!!

oneoff said...

I'm of the view that you could run a code one handed while taking a flu jab in the other arm. Fortunately, I know you have better taste than to wear your panties with the big "S" over your scrubs. ;)

Thanks for the earlish morning giggles; it's 8.30am here in England, and daylight has forgotten to appear.


Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud at ...she shall nevah surrendah!!! I so love your sense of humor.


messymimi said...

Back from my retreat to say a) you have continued to be much prayed for, and b) it's good to hear you sounding so much more like your usual self.

Andrea said...

Jo, that's exactly what I mean. I wish I had some of your neuro-intution now that I have all these brain-drains and I feel like a fish out of water.

MamaDoodle said...

Without thinking, this morning on my way out the door, I grabbed a lemon yogurt. Later, when the lemon yogurt was my only option for required sustenance, I remembered the UTI story. I was able to force myself to swallow each bite but I will NEVER eat lemon yogurt again!

Please, oh please! Don't do something to ruin orange yogurt for me! Or raspberry. Blueberry would be okay . . .

P.S. I'm with messymimi. Welcome back to yourself!