Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Highly inappropriate doin's in the CT suite (Hi, Mom!)

So I walked in to the CT suite through the back door, and Steve-O looked up and said, "Hey, Steph! Guess who's here!"

Steph and Steve and I were all hired at the same time, so we have a shared history.

Steve checked my armbands while Steph did whatever mysterious thing it is that CT geniuses do to the machine before your scan. "You pregnant?" Steve asked.

"Geez, I hope not," I said, "as we'd either need a baby or a stable in Bethlehem at this point."

"How long's it been since you've had sex?" he persisted.

"Uh....a year?" I said, then added quickly, "I can't seem to get a date."

Steph chose that moment to get on the microphone into the scan room. "You gonna run her pee?" she asked.

"No," Steve said, "she hasn't had sex in a year."

Much hilarity.

Then I got up on the extremely narrow CT bed and had the contrast drip hooked up to my IV and laid there while they took slicey-dicey X-rays of my head. Steph warned me every time she injected dye. The dye makes any areas with high blood flow (like the perineum) feel quite warm; most women describe it as a feeling of having peed in their pants. That's about right.

In addition, Steph would occasionally say, "Okay....the dye's going in. Now: DON'T SWALLOW."

We finished in ten minutes or less. As I swung my legs off of the bed, Steph and Stevie both came into the room. I said, (and thank God for time to think of a good line) "Thanks, you guys! Between the dye injection and the warnings not to swallow, that was the most fun I've had in a year!"

Once in a very great while you get to leave the stage to applause.

8 comments:

me said...

I love it!!

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

You are hilarious, Jo. I am so glad to see you laughing. Hope the results are funny too.

Kirstin said...

[giggling]

Kirstin said...

[giggling]

Cartoon Characters said...

you are correct about the warm-peed-the-pants sensation...had the CT done when they were visualizing the little nodules in my lungs... (and how come my word verification for this post is "virgin"???)

pita said...

That's hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Haha! Really Jo you may find your wit and the humor there extracted from a better balm for cure than anything yet invented by mice and men. Nous rions de furets ha ha! anona-E.

messymimi said...

Thinking on your "feet" again -- another sign you are back in form. Thanks for the laugh.