Monday, July 26, 2010

A slow day, or: Online Dating In Four Words:

The horror! The horror!

Kiva and I were in the unit yesterday. Both patients had gone off to have obscure tests of one sort or another done, and things were slow. She asked how my love life was.

"Dismal."

"Have you thought about finding a man here at work?"

When I recovered sufficiently, I pointed out that, as a nurse, you are not around men most of the time, unless they're not neurologically intact, and that's sort of a requirement for me, thanks.

"What about online dating?" she asked.

Now, Kiva's not from here. Her marriage, as is usual where she's from, was arranged. Over the last twenty years and two kids, it's grown into the sort of partnership that gives arranged marriage a good name. But, as you might expect, she's a little clueless when it comes to the reality of being a forty-year-old woman in the online dating world.

Without a word, I punched up Match dot com.

Kiva watched me enter my pertinent information, then peered over my shoulder excitedly.

"Gracious, there are a lot of pictures of tongues."

I scrolled down the page.

"Oooo! This one looks good! He's thirty-seven, and....wait. No, he works at Wal-Mart. And he's married? And looking for a slave girl?"

I continued scrolling.

"What about....oh, no. You aren't part of a couple."

Still scrolling.

"What on earth does that mean?" she asked at one point. I wasn't brave enough to tell her.

"He looks nice" she said, "Really strange, but nice."

Except, at fifty, he wanted a woman no older than twenty-three.

Finally, Kiva found somebody she figured was perfect for me. He could punctuate, knew the difference between "they're" and "their" and "your" and "you're", and was single, looking for a single woman, and wasn't possessed of any of the stranger fetishes.

"Except he's nineteen," I said, "and looking for a cougar."

"Perhaps you can tell him that two of your cats equals one big one" Kiva said.

I didn't have the heart to tell her what "cougar" really meant.


10 comments:

The Cynister said...

Oh that lady is precious, haha.

I think all online dating is to some degree that horrible.

Loki said...

*Hug*

Crazed Nurse said...

Laughing my ass off! I can totally picture the pictures/ads you are describing.

A friend of mine(also a nurse btw) tried e-harmony.com. She met one guy that she almooooost eloped to Vegas with. He turned out to be a good story teller but a total loser type underneath. (I thought he was a complete ass 2 minutes after I met him but did not tell my friend) She is now engaged to a man 6 years older than her, he has a Ph.D in chemistry and they seem very happy. Along with my friend he gets a 20yo developmentally disabled man and a 22 yo college grad who's applying to police departments and a 7yo golden retriever.

It can be a good thing.

Anonymous said...

ROFL! Oh my! Your poor, sheltered coworker. (Lucky it all worked!)

Depending what part of TX you're in...could fix you up with the science guy I know.

He's a clothes horse metro, though, and might drive you crazy....and he's older (and thinks he's not--think '50 model), which might be a turn off. And he can't handle animals (I know...problem).

Darn...someone's gotta be out there!

Albinoblackbear said...

I'm with you on the no romance at work rule. Broke it once and it was very, very, nuclear fallout for a long time.

Now I adhere strictly to the "don't get your meat where you get your bread" adage.

(I did meet some interesting people on fitness singles for the record, oh and a couple of lunatics...)

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog for years and have never commented before. So first, let me say. I love you and we are sisters from another mother. Okay, now to online dating. Step away from the computer. No good comes of it. Trust me. I'm 48. Divorced for two years with two teenage daughters. You want baggage? I've got it. No good comes from anyone you may ever meet online. Go to church. Hang out at bars. Hook up with the Alaskan dude your mother wanted you to meet. Trust me.

woolywoman said...

so, maybe her parents know someone suitable?

messymimi said...

It has proven true for many people, when you are satisfied where you are and not looking, you will find someone.

I hope that works out for you, too. Those are the best situations.

Cartoon Characters said...

I met my husband online - i think i have already told u...married 5 happy years now...and I was 50 when we met - I had only been married briefly and disastrously to a guy i met in achurch previously so I wouldn't advise that as a reliable "hunting ground".
Bars: wouldn't bother. The best place is a really nice grocery store if you are reluctant to go the internet route. One rule of thumb....always pay for a background investigation if you think someone is compatible...it will pay off in the end! :)

Geosomin said...

It is true...I stopped looking around and focused on being rather content with life and work as is and then my lovely hubs fell into my lap.

Things will happen as they should :)