Thursday, July 15, 2010

Requisite Female Blogger's Post on Body Image

My coworker came in to relieve me last night. She's from Puerto Rico.

She's also five feet tall on a tall day, wearing heels, and eighty-five pounds soaking wet.

She has the perfect American body: tiny waist, long legs, no hips, big boobs.

And she came in walking funny. Because she'd been at the gym the day before, in an attempt to gain weight.

"My God!" she said, "I've been doing squats and lunges and sit-ups! All I want is a buttocks, can you imagine?" (I wish I could say that this was funny; instead, it's transcribed as she said it.) "I want a butt! I want a body like yours, right? With a belly, and boobs, and a butt! I am so sore, I should be walking down the hall, saying 'BRAINS' because I am walking like a zombie!"

Her husband thinks she is too damn skinny. She looks great, not underfed; she's just one of those women, like the Immortal Elizabeth, who will never be fully-human-sized.

And yet she wants *my* body. Because her husband complains that there's nothing to grab hold of. She says that he says that she's too bony; that her rib and hip bones aren't padded by enough belly fat. He wants a woman who's more voluptuous. She would love not to look in the mirror and see herself; instead, she would like to see my belly and boobs and hips.

And I would love *her* body, because of her tiny flat stomach and her lack of hips.

I told my massage therapist about this today. "I hate it that people think I'm undisciplined or not fit because I'm fat" I said. "Tell me about it," she replied, "I've lost some weight in the last couple of months, I don't know how much, but I'll be damned if people aren't treating me differently. Better."

We exchanged knowing looks.

My butt and belly and I might move to Puerto Rico.


8 comments:

Homemaker Man said...

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Crazed Mom said...

I bet I'd do well in Puerto Rico. May I move too?

messymimi said...

Tell her to start each morning with a huge milkshake with real ice cream and chocolate syrup, then eat a gigantic breakfast with pancakes and bacon and grits and eggs, and keep on like that all day.

She will get that butt, and belly, and boobs, and "dibeetus" and high blood pressure and...

Some people don't know when they have it good.

Marjorie said...

I might have to join you! :)

Anonymous said...

YES. I once lived in Puerto Rico, and it was HEAVEN. All kinds of men coming out of the woodwork. And I am a 6'2'' amazon with hips, boob, and no ribs to count at ALL. Move thee hence.

And remind co-worker that that's why she's in the USA... lol.

~Mari

medrninja said...

Jo I have no idea what you look like - aside from the curly red hair and a womanly figure (?) - but based on this blog I imagine you as incomparably fabulous and I hope you never change a blessed thing. Unless it's just to be healthier or because it's something you really want to do for yourself.

I don't even know you and I think you are amazing. If some stupid man can't see and appreciate that if he's lucky enough to meet you in person that's his own damn fault (and his loss!!).

Only, if you do move to PR please keep blogging!! :)

MEDICALBOOBOOS said...

The point has been missed, some men just suck, if she was fat he would proberly moan and tell her to lose weight, he married her this way didnt he? I can understand though, I once dated a douche who complained my figure was that of a young boy, I then started to think he must have had paedo traits if he was so interested in me, while he thinks my body is young boyish. Ladies you cant win either way, whats funny is its usually the dudes with pregnant bellys and men boobs who complain the most about their wooomen...

Sean said...

*shaking my head*
Just shaking my head....