I remember school being hard. I remember being stressed a lot, and getting through on a combination of adrenaline and coffee, and weighing something like seventy pounds less than I do right now at the end of it, and not having any muscle mass and looking and feeling like a concentration camp victim, patchy baldness and all. I remember being so mentally exhausted that I didn't want to read anything, even the simplest bad science fiction. I remember being so emotionally spent that I couldn't go to the last two days of a very expensive NCLEX review course.
But I do not remember being this damn tired. And it's only been one week. The hard stuff hasn't even started yet.
Part of this is probably that I've been getting up early every day and staying up, with no opportunity for the naps which I've become accustomed to. Part of it, I'm sure, is the endless driving back and forth, back and forth. Part of it is sheer frustration with how slowly some things move and how much paperwork there is.
But Jeebus Grits. Internship was hard when I was 32. I've a feeling it'll be impossible seven years later.
I cannot IMAGINE starting nursing school at nearly- or past forty. Yet I had classmates then, and have co-interns now, who were in their fifties and doing fine. Is there some reserve of stamina I'm missing? Is there a Delicate Flower chip, and did Mom and Dad saddle me with two?
So: All you nursing students out there, especially the ones of you that are past, say, fifteen years old? You rock. Those of you over forty rock double. Those of you over *fifty* deserve both a medal and a mountaintop retreat at the end of things.
I'm going to go lift heavy things now and then fall over into bed. If I get a shower in before bed, it'll be because I'm feeling almost human.