Monday, September 27, 2010

Jo's Rules of Cancer, first incarnation

1. It is always to be referred to as CANCER, or CAAAAAANSUH, or "that fucking bullshit I need to get over."

2. It is never to be given any seriously frightened mindspace after the first week (unless circumstances warrant seriously frightened mindspace).

3. InkGrrrl's description of "steel-toothed brain ferrets" will be the baseline for all descriptions of CANCER/CAAAAANSUH-related anxiety.

4. "I have cancer" is only an excuse if you use it tongue-in-cheek. Or maybe to get more chocolate. I have plenty of chocolate; want some?

5. If you have to fuck with it, it's cancer.


Luis said...

If I ever get CANCER I hereby pledge to live by these rules.

clairesmum said...

Love the steel toothed brain ferrets image - might share it with some of my patients who struggle with thoughts that can be overwhelming at times.
Glad you are back at work for now - your work stories are great ones!

Where I work we have a new ad campaign encouraging volunteerism - "you have two hands, one to help yourself and one to help someone else." What does it say about me that it always makes me think of heavy petting teenagers???!!!

Crazed Nitwit said...

steel toothed brain ferrets!! YES I love that one!!

Laura said...

I like #4.

God-awful jackass you wouldn't date in a million years: "So you *buuuuurp* wanna go get a beer?"
Jo: "Oooh, sorry, can't - I have cancer."

Co-worker: "So can I count on you to buy yet more of little Timmy's school fundraiser crap?"
Jo: "I'd love to, but I have cancer."

Officer: "Ma'am, did you realize you were doing 95 in a 25 zone?"
Jo: "I'm so sorry, officer! I have cancer, you see."

Atilla: "Come on, you pansy! Just 50 more push-ups!"
Jo: "Are you sure that's a good idea, what with my cancer and all?"

Anonymous said...

I'm with Laura!

Spa Lady: Your gift certificate for an all day spay extravaganza expired two months ago

Jo: I know, but I have cancer.

Cranky Airlines Counterperson : You are too late, we cannot get you on that flight so you will have to buy a far more expensive flight that has 5 layovers and gets routed through three very scary world hotspots.

Jo: But please, oh Cranky Airlines Counterperson, you cannot to that to me, I HAVE CANCER.

After the cops show up and Jo is found standing over the cowering owner of a liquor store...

He said he had no whiskey left and I know he still has some in the back and I will not be denied because I HAVE CANCER!

Work it girl!


messymimi said...

I like #4 also, and shall hereafter refer to my occasional panic attacks as "steel-toothed brain ferrets", as I have had ferrets as pets and know firsthand the damage those teeth can really do.

Penny Mitchell said...

InkGrrrl's mention of a blankie of awesome and win has also sparked something that will be showing up in your mailbox soon.

She IS the gift that keeps on giving!

Anonymous said...

I Had Cancer too, so what ? At least I know who my enemy is !
You will get over it one year down the rocky road :D God Bless