Sunday, January 01, 2006

Santa's Oversights

I was having trouble sleeping. In lieu of slumber, I started making a list of things Santa apparently overlooked this year; I didn't find any of them under the tree. Listen up, Big Guy: I expect you and all ten reindeer to come through next year.

1. An instantaneous-travel device, with one portal here, one at work, and one at Green Lake in Seattle. It would, of course, have to be secured somehow so confused residents and joggers didn't end up blundering around my kitchen. It'd be so nice to be able to skip the commute and go jogging instead.

2. One of those automatic massage tables like Lazarus Long had on Tertius. That would really come in handy right now.

3. Failing that, the whole refresher.

4. A flying car. With radar and a cloaking device. Nothing fancy, really; just something to allow me to zip around doing errands a bit more efficiently.

5. Synthahol, like on the old Star Trek.

6. Antigeria. That could be fun for a while.

7. The sudden and simultaneous implosion of all Starbucks and McDonald's everywhere. Also any brewery that makes mass-market beer.

8. A plate of really good poutine. I feel like sending my pals in Montreal a telegram: AM STARVING STOP SEND POUTINE STOP SITUATION CRITICAL STOP PS DON'T FORGET THE BACON AND MUSHROOMS

9. A time-travel machine. With appropriate vaccination schedule.

10. One of two: a one-day cure for the common cold, or a one-day cure for athlete's foot. Either would probably promote human happiness and world peace; I'm not picky.

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