Saturday, November 12, 2005

Because I am not cool

Several years ago, there was a meme floating around the WorldWideInternetsBlogosphere called "One Hundred Things About Me."

Because I am a slowpoke, not inclined to do memes, and still wearing straight-legged jeans without a cool wash on them, I present:

As Many Things As I Can Think Of That You Might Find Mildly Interesting And Might Not Have Known Before:

1. I am a nurse (okay, okay. But it's a definition.) who works mainly with neurosurgery and neurology patients.

2. As a result of that, I'm extremely uncomfortable taking care of heart patients. Brain, easy. Heart? Scary.

3. My mother and I had the same mole on our right hips for years, until I had mine removed.

4. Other than that, and the shape of our foreheads, there's nothing in the way we look to indicate we're related.

5. I don't look much like my dad, either, but I did when I was younger.

6. I have one sister. She's eight years older than me, or nine, depending on what time of year it is. I don't look like her. Which makes me wonder.

7. I also have a cat. She's insane. Not unlike the rest of my family.

8. I like single-malt Scotch. A lot.

9. But I like a good chicken biryani or vegetable biryani more.

10. In fact, the quickest way to my heart is through homemade Indian or Pakistani food.

11. So I weigh about 30 pounds more than I should.

12. But I don't feel any larger than I did when I was a size six.

13. I can walk two and a quarter miles in 30 minutes, not bad for a fat chick.

14. My boyfriend weighs 22 pounds less than me.

15. My cat weighs eleven pounds, two ounces...

16. ....which is what my miniature Dachshund (staying with Chef Boy) weighs, as well.

17. I'm actually a big-dog person, not a small-dog person.

18. I vote Democratic.

19. I'm screamingly liberal on most issues.

20. I hate George Carlin and love Robin Williams.

21. If I were to die tomorrow, I'd want a NOLA jazz band on the way back from the cemetery...

22. ...and a polka band at the wake.

23. I have one ex-husband.

24. Which is fine with me. I'm gleeful, in fact.

25. Although once in a while, when I see his girlfriend riding around town on her scooter, I want to run her down.

26. Which I wouldn't do, because I have a NEW CAR!!!

27. I drive like a fucking maniac. Sorry, Mom.

28. I routinely denigrate residents and nursing students in this blog, but the reality is that I love them all to varying extents and try to be as helpful as I can be at work.

29. Because I was there once, too.

30. I was crap, in fact, in clinicals, but managed with classwork to pull it out in time to graduate.

31. I have a BA in music and sociology (double major) and an ADN in nursing.

32. Which makes me pretty much useless outside the hospital, except I can quote a lot of CS Lewis and Marx.

33. Sometimes I get homesick for Montreal or Banff.

34. But I rarely get homesick for Denmark, unless it's 108* here.

35. I have friends all over the damn world, mostly through the WorldWideInternets.

36. I used to moderate a board on housecleaning and organization (!!!) at iVillage (!!!!!).

37. I am compulsively organized everywhere except the trunk of my car.

38. I'm also compulsively crunchy and granola, letting critters live in my house and share my space peacefully, dude, unless they're like, silverfish or those huge fucking horrible flying roaches, that, like, really squick me out.

39. I make the best scrambled eggs Chef Boy has ever tasted.

40. I also make really good, really dense cakes that melt in your mouth.

41. I don't like chocolate all that much.

42. I use the word "fucking" a lot.

43. I can also cuss in Greek (thanks, Christos!), Russian (thanks, Urev!) and Portugese (thanks, Dario!).

44. I can speak a little French, get myself into trouble in Danish, and read German.

45. I understand enough medical Spanish to follow along.

46. My new favorite snack food is roasted corn with chili powder, lime, and salt (hence the Spanish reference).

47. I had an Internet stalker once, but the FBI was very helpful.

48. I do not want children.

49. But I get along with them fine, and babies crying for hours on end doesn't bother me.

50. Most people strike me as basically good-hearted but a little silly.

51. Which is fine, because I'm way silly myself.

52. I sing along with "Walk Like An Egyptian" every time it comes on the radio...

53. ...which doesn't happen often, since I mostly listen to NPR.

54. I make up silly songs about my cat.

55. I also give animals I know nicknames like "Schnozzhound" or "Grumplemuffin."

56. This causes my coworkers to look at me with some suspicion.

57. I hung a miniature disco ball in the break room, but nobody knows it was me. Heh.

58. I really, really like playing practical jokes on people.

59. But I hate surprise parties or practical jokes played on me.

60. I can quote huge chunks of Donne and Elliot, mostly because I wasted a lot of time taking English classes in college.

61. I once wrote a parody of Gerard Manley Hopkins's "Pied Beauty" that earned me an "A".

62. I like reading Ellis Peters's and Dorothy Sayers's mystery novels in the dead of winter....

63. ...but I never wanted to marry Peter Wimsey.

And that seems to be a good place to stop. "She never wanted to marry Peter Wimsey" would look equally well on a tombstone or a resume.


Anonymous said...

Hey, c'mon: I think you're pretty cool...

I do like Carlin AND Robin Willims, though.

I really, really like playing practical jokes on people.

Back when I was a Nurse Aide at Dove Healthcare, the PM aides would pull jokes like hide behind resident doors, sneak up on their partners and crown them with an incontinence pad (no, not soiled).

Unknown said...

What's the secret to your scrambled eggs?

Jo said...

Birdy, the scrambled egg technique goes like this:

Break two eggs into a bowl. Beat them with a fork until they're homogenous, then add a couple of tablespoons of cream or half-and-half. Season with salt and pepper, and maybe a little nutmeg if you go that way.

Heat a nonstick pan on low for a few minutes and add the eggs.

Cook them slowly over low heat, stirring more frequently as they begin to curdle. It ought to take several minutes (like ten), more if you go the classical route and cook them in a double boiler over simmering water.

The trick is to add a little fat to the eggs prior to cooking them and then cook them slowly. You want to denature the proteins enough so that they're actually cooked, but not so fast that they harden into building material.

The Sunday Breakfast Eggs have a handful of shredded ham and a handful of grated medium Cheddar cheese in 'em, with more pepper and maybe a little onion. You can cook those faster, as there's more *stuff* in 'em.

Anonymous said...

Thx for sharing... #10, same here :) And #15, your cat weighs more than my dog, which is also a #16, and was the runt of the litter, so a miniature-miniature-Dach, who lives in fear of cats...

Kim said...

Hey,it takes a lot to work with neurology and neurosurgery patients.

Anyone can do cardiovascular -it's all pumps and hydralics.

Kudos to you for specializing in neurology!