Me: *gronk* Hullo?
Collection Agency Guy, cheerily: Good Morning! May I speak with John Lastname?
I have what's about the third most common last name in America. I also have a very common first initial. My first initial and last name are how I'm listed everywhere, including in the phone book. This has been the source of problems, not least of which is the tendency of collection agencies to call.
Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number.
CAG, cheerily still: But you know John Lastname, right?
Me: Nope. Can't help you.
CAG, less cheerily: You don't know John Lastname?
CAG, getting snarly: But he gave this number as a contact number. You've got to know him. Let me speak to John Lastname!
Me: You. Have. The. Wrong. Number.
CAG, outright fang-laden: This is John Lastname's number! He gave me this number!
Me, through my teeth: Bullshit. This has been my number for the last six years. At no time has anyone named John Lastname ever lived here. Furthermore, I do not know anyone named John Lastname. I also do not know anybody named Jane Lastname, Juan Lastname, Justin Lastname, Joe Lastname, Jeannie Lastname, or Jack Lastname. I do not know any of those people, those people do not live at this number, and you cannot reach ANY of them at this number. Especially not John. Fucking. Last. Name. You got that?
CAG: ... ... ... ... ...
CAG: Wow. You must, um, get a lot of these calls.
Me: Yes. Yes, I do. Have a nice day.
CAG: Um... you too?