Monday, April 02, 2012

Tap, tap, tap. Drum, drum, drum. Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle.

There's a lot going on at work, but I'm too distracted to write about it right now.

I had my first follow up chest CT today, with and without contrast, wahoo. Stevie was very kind and put a 22g IV into my 18g-worthy hand vein, so I have only a minor bruise on the back of my paw. Given that I bled for forty freaking minutes after I scraped my knuckle the other day, a minor bruise is a good thing. Maybe my aspirin dose needs adjustment.

Tap, tap, tap. Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle.

I'm obsessively checking my work email. Last time I had a scan, Dr. Crane sent the results to me there. I don't know how long it took, though, because I hadn't checked my email in days and days. Now I'm trying to remind myself that no news is good news, and trying *not* to read into Tracy's expression as she was helping me off the CT sled. Her usual expression is no expression and that's what I got today so that's got to be good, right?

Drum, drum, drum. Pace, pace, pace.

Surely it's going to be fine. Right? Right. Negative CT. Negative CT. Think negatively. Even if there is something there, it means that whatever-it-is was found quickly, so it'll be relatively easier to treat. Right? Right. But it'll still be negative. My goal for this year is to not have surgery.

Twiddle, twiddle, twiddle. Check email. Nothing.

I have to make lunch for work tomorrow, but I have no appetite and am therefore uninspired.

I'm going to go steam some asparagus. It beats pacing and twiddling.


cowango said...

Thinking positively of negativity. There are lots of negative scans everyday and yours is sure to be amongst them. But the waiting sure is a drag. Go dig a potato or something.

Anonymous said...

You're back!

BTW that thousand followers? I totally mentioned and cited you in a paper. You've got at least one of my professors following you. :D It makes my day to see you back and I'll be thinking good thoughts!

Anonymous said...

thinking of you as you wait. my husband cleans when he is waiting for news - he's unemployed, our house is getting cleaner every week. but waiting for medical news STINKS!! keep thinking positive for negative results - makes perfect sense.

scotvixen said...

Both of us sending you thoughts of love, peace, and fuckingcancer.
Pet a puppeh?


Bardiac said...

Thinking good thoughts for you!

(I get really worried trying to read the technicians who do tests and all; it just seems so hard that they'll never say anything about stuff. But they do the same when it's a great result, which is what I'm hoping for you!)

bobbie said...

Holding a space for you of calming peace & intestinal fortitude ~

Rosanna said...

And maybe I'll just have something b.l.i.s.t.e.r.i.n.g.l.y.-strong, but smooth, on ice, for you AGAIN, Jo~~(see your 3/22/12 post's Comments)~~while I virtually wait "with" you, you know. Streamin' (R.I.V.E.R.S. O.F.) good thoughts and prayers your way, right now............

NurseJannie said...

Fingers are crossed !!

messymimi said...

You are still in my prayers.

Alpine, R.N. said...

Fingers, Toes, and non-essential internal organs crossed!

You know, i cite you at work as a reason to double-check ANYTHING where I have to open more than one vial. It has served me well.