Monday, April 09, 2012

0:04 at Casa Del Snotbags

I'm strung out on pseudoephedrine (that beautiful demon) and researching plants from exotic nurseries. These are not, as you might think, nurseries that have dancing poles and topless women all over the place; they're nurseries from whom you can get things like amorphophallus* and elephant ear.

Notamus is out in the Kitty Koop, watching the bats with envy. He's convinced he can become a bat by his next birthday if he only tries hard enough. The best thing about being a bat, he thinks, is that he'll be able to fly to chase craneflies rather than just jump. (Sometimes I hold him up so he can reach one that's particularly high on the wall. Yes, I spoil my cats.)

Flashes is sitting on the kitchen windowsill, playing Bonk That Junebug. The junebug lands on the kitchen window screen and sits there. Flashes noses it, and it goes *bonk* onto the outside sill. Then it climbs back up and sits. Flashes paws it, and it goes *bonk* again. Lather, rinse, repeat. Infinitely.

They have both taken to leaving half-chewed junebug corpses in my shoes. This is better, believe it or not, than cranefly legs *everywhere*, including my pillows. It's like a battalion of drag queens with bad eyelash adhesive came over when they do that. "I love you; have a piece of bug" seems to be the new cat-speak.

Max's ears are coated with triple antibiotic and the rest of him is coated with citronella spray. He has a pleasant, lemony scent, like an enormous mobile air freshener. I really should've groomed him today, but the logic of headcolds is that you can't move during the day and have tons of energy at night. He's sleeping in the kitchen, alternately snoring and boofing very quietly as his paws twitch. I think he's finally catching the ice cream truck.

My cold is, strangely, better. I still can't produce anything more than a squeak when I talk ("I'd not mind that he speaks/In gibbers and squeaks/But for seventeen years, he's been dead") and my throat is kind of sore, but I feel almost okay. I sneezed something truly horrifying out of the operative side of my sinuses this morning; it almost made me re-think the wisdom of daily antihistamines for allergies. There's such a thing as stuff getting too dry up in there.

Still, I managed to make it out to the store for real Sudafed and soup and tater tots. As I went through the checkout line, the sixty-ish woman who was checking remarked on my lack of voice. I whispered apologetically, "Yeah, I have a cold."

"Honey," she said, "You go home and make yourself a toddy and feel better. Don't mind if all you want is your mamma. I get a cold, all *I* want is *my* mamma."

That made me feel better. Plus, The Lovely Diana gave me a recipe for a hot toddy that consists of honey, heated up, and double that amount of rum. She says it won't bring my voice back, but I won't care. It's apparently an old Cuban recipe, used far and wide on everybody from children to ancient grandfathers, and she swears it's safe as houses. Given her propensity for being attacked by wildlife on vacation, I'm not sure I trust her, but I'm willing to try anything.

Tomorrow's to do list: Nap, Rum, Nap.

*Okay, that's almost as bad as topless nurserypeople.


Geosomin said...

Yup - grew up with 2 parts rum to 1 part maple syrup or honey heated it in the microwave, even as a kid. It helps and tastes OK too. :)

Hope you feel better soon

messymimi said...

Hope you feel better soon.

bobbie said...

I had to laugh at the offerings your fur-babies are leaving for you ~ when we lived on Guam, my cat brought us a 6 ft. long snake.

I'm glad you are feeling a wee bit better; here's a recipe for you ~

1 part EACH:
apricot nectar
pink grapefruit juice

Mix thoroughly, heat to just under boiling, sip slowly.
Repeat prn.

As with the Lovely Diana's, you may still be sick, but you won't care.

PurpleRN said...

I have a go-to toddy for when I'm sick. It's black tea (I use a rather large mug) with an ounce or so of Bourbon (something smooth, like Maker's Mark or Bulleit), 1-2 TBSP honey, and however much juice you get out of a lemon wedge that's 3/4" wide at the rind :) Of course you can adjust everything to taste.

I fully believe that it is the most medicinal beverage you can make :)

Stefanie Graves said...

Went to see the doctor
Asked him what to do
Lordy help that doctor
He said I think I got one too
So we laid down side by side
I'm still here but the doctor died I got a code in my doze Oh,
I got a code in my doze

In honor of your cold, a little Barbara Streisand. Feel better.

Cr0w$C@lling said...

Must prophylax!
Get better

Rosanna said...

Dear Johannearis*,

Now that you're improving~~(thank goodness!!)~~from your BAD case of Amorphophallus cruddasianus**, here are a few words, directly Below............ straight from searching "Amorphophallus" in Wikipedia............ for (past Family Planning Counselor!!) you to *ponder*............ (i.e., because I simply don't know ~ W.H.A.T. ~ T.O. ~ D.O. ~ with most of these words, haha)!!:

Amorphophallus bonaccordensis
**(Amorphophallus cruddasianus)
Amorphophallus gomboczianus
Amorphophallus hottae
Amorphophallus impressus
Amorphophallus interruptus
*(Amorphophallus linearis)
Amorphophallus longituberosus
Amorphophallus maximus
Amorphophallus pendulus
Amorphophallus sizemorae
Amorphophallus spectabilis
Amorphophallus sumawongii

'So glad you're feeling better, Jo; and give Max a little "pat" on his furry, citronella-ed head for me!!

Les @ LPN Salary said...

Gahhhhhh. Are you feeling better now? I do hope you got the naps that you so much needed. On the rum part, hmm. Not really a fan but if it helps why not!

Nurse Frugal said...

Hope you are feeling better! I love your blog, it's so funny! I nominated you for a blog award:

thursdaynextgal said...

Hi Jo,

I've enjoyed your blog for many years. I was perusing your blogroll last night and clicked onto "Your Pharmacist May Hate You," and found this:

I hope he was kidding. Or something. I wasn't sure if you were aware of this, and wanted to bring it to your attention. I figured someone who lists Shakespeare's Sister on their blogroll might take issue with it, I don't know *shrug*

You don't have to publish this comment, I just couldn't get the email link to work :)

Jo said...

TNG, I think he was being facetious. Heavily facetious.

That came, I think, out of somebody accusing him of being a chauvinist who's only interested in hot chicks.