Sunday, September 25, 2011

Nursing stuff later this week. For now, *sigh*.

That Guy I'm Dating is now That Guy I Was Dating.

Because, after six weeks, he still hadn't figured out whether or not he liked me. I mean, really? All the signs were there, dude: You brought me an LED mod for my mini-Maglite, you wanted to hang out whenever, all that other stuff, and you weren't sure whether. . .you. . .liked. . .me?

Getting upset over this would be like getting upset because I can't communicate with somebody who speaks only Russian. Abilene Rob, being the sort of stand-up guy he is, and a very good friend besides, was exasperated on my behalf. I think he said something like, "He had your boobs right there and he didn't know what to do with them? What kind of idiot is he?"

Ah, Rob. Always there to pick up a girl's self-esteem.

Anyway, this has led to my re-reading the profiles of those poor fools deluded enough to check me out on A Famous Online Dating Site. From my perusal, I have determined the following:

1. Every man in Central Texas describes himself as laid-back. This explains the droves of horizontal men lining the streets.

2. Few men in Central Texas can spell, punctuate, or put together a sentence. There were at least half-a-dozen guys whose profiles left me all, "What? What?"

3. If a man is six-three and three hundred pounds with a bad goatee, he wants somebody at least ten years younger with a slim or athletic build.

4. I am too old for forty-one-year-old men. (Yes, one of them actually *told* me this after I'd emailed him, my rockin' profile notwithstanding.)

5. Every guy around here is looking for a mother for his children. Most also have few to no teeth, and one in six admits freely that his mother thinks he's gay and that he's looking to change that.

I could have the problems Stoya has, though: Within 24 hours of getting an account on A Famous Online Dating Site, she had over fourteen hundred "winks." That's one thousand four hundred, or a one followed by a four and two zeros. There is such a thing as having too many choices. Stoya is about to just pull the plug and spend the rest of her life in her apartment, cowering under the bed.

I, on the other hand, would like to dissect That Guy I Was Dating, and find out what he uses in place of a brain.

Please, nobody suggest I start dating musicians. This place is as full of musicians as a fleabag hotel is of fleas, and you know the old joke: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?


See? I have a sense of humor! Call me!


Silliyak said...

I have heard that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Just sayin'

Red Stethoscope said...

Rob's comment is the best! And yes, dating websites are...interesting. But, 14,000 winks? Whoa! Then again, I hate winks, because I think that the guy should have the guts to at least write me an email!

Anonymous said...

Try going abroad ... it worked for me. With very little online dating history ( one bad encounter ) I played around with a UK dating site mostly to read profiles and convince myself there were some good guys still out there. I accidently sent a 'wink of sorts' when I saved my now husband's profile thinking I'd come back for another look later. Saving it sent him a message saying he had a fan to which he promptly responded. That was early 2008 and by February 2009, we were married.

He's one of the good ones, but I'd be willing to bet he's not the last one out there.

Off topic, I really enjoy your blog. I've been reading for a while, but don't think I've ever commented.

Laura said...

He's clearly an idiot. I'll gladly help with the dissection.

Karin said...

Stay away from the fish site. There really is no "plenty of fish" out there.

My boyfriend, now my soulmate, met through a paid online dating site. I didn't date many, just 3. One was a jerk, one was OK, and one is great. I am keeping him. It's been over a year. Oh yeah, I have read too many profiles I could just laugh about but my point is, there should be a few good ones out there.

Cr0w$C@lling said...

Oh Dear

Anonymous said...

If I liked women I'd totally lust for you, Jo. Smart, tough, caring, smartASS, good to animals, funny... All that and boobs too? He's a fool.

Rosanna said...

The day before yesterday, (i.e., Sunday evening), I was telling my husband what an absolutely *wonderful* time you had on your vacation in California; and that, amazingly, you even saw some CONDORS............ which is really almost just one step, size-wise, below pterodactyls, (haha)!!

Anyway, when I then went on to say that the guy you had been dating couldn't figure out----(after 6 weeks!!)----whether or not he LIKED you, my good husband of 37 years very seriously said to me, shaking his head............ (and in a genuine "Guy's Guy" Diagnostic Sort O' Way)............ "Jo's a smart, GOOD-LOOKIN' girl. He must not have any HORMONES."

Seeee!! Younger men, (e.g., Abilene Rob)............ all-the-way-*TO* older men, (e.g., my husband)............ think............ y.o.u.'v.e. ~ "g.o.t. ~ i.t.," Jo!!

Am I JEALOUS, though??!! Nawwww, (haha)!!

messymimi said...

Is that why my musician married me, so he wouldn't be homeless?!

Enjoy the search, and keep searching.

Anonymous said... ex-fiance lives in your area. Everyone is convinced he is gay. LOL!

terri c said...

Abilene Rob is right as are all your other commenters. You are the bomb, totally, and I hope you don't have to kiss a lot of frogs. A therapist once assured me there were plenty of nice guys out there; I looked at her all skeptical like and she said, "We know this from the law of averages." I was not reassured--but you should be!!!!!!!