Friday, June 17, 2005

No, Speed Racer, no.

His legs were already over the bedrails by the time I got to him.

"You'll have to wait a minute to get up until I get your walker" I said.

He tried to get up anyhow. He's not demented or confused, just convinced that his seventy-eight-year-old, six-foot-eight, three-hundred-pound body works as well now after back surgery as it did before. The two-foot-long incision might give the lie to that.

He got to the chair, let go of the walker, and plopped into the chair with one buttock on the chair arm.

We had a little discussion after that. He'd fallen the night before--sitting down hard on his ass after getting out of bed despite raised siderails and a bed alarm.

"Look," I said, "you *have* to wait until I get in here to get up. And you *have* to use the walker correctly, or else you will fall again and have another surgery. If you fall, I'm not even going to try to catch you. I'll just get out of the way."

"You won't try to catch me?" he asked, disbelieving.

I looked up at him--he's still taller than I am, even when he's sitting and I'm standing, and said, "Uh...no."

Tell me where these people come from so I can shut the gates.

4 comments:

HypnoKitten said...

Just in the short time that I've actually been working in a hospital I've seen that type of thing so many times. What in the world gives a person the idea they are going to be able to jump out of bed and tap dance? "Please stay seated until I'm ready to help you" is a mantra now.

Still, I'd just about rather have the 300lb guy who can get up on his own than the 300lb guy who can't... Hard choice.

Kelly said...

Well, if he's not confused, all you can do is chart that you told him not to get up on his own and repeat your chant. Of course, using the Kelly RN method of vivid descriptions of all the ill that will befall you if you do fall doesn't hurt either. This is surgery-specific. A novel mention of a fractured hip is always good too.

geena said...

I love it! The disbelief some patients show when they find out that no, we will NOT bend over backwards for some things.

shrimplate said...

My sources tell me that a good many of such people come from Montreal and its immediate environs.