Aaaaaand as an antidote for that last post, possibly the weirdest rendition of "Working in a Coal Mine" ever. It's Swedish.

It's official.

I have seen people who have had various body parts kicked in or off by various animals.

I have seen people who have been hit by drunk drivers, popped ill-advised wheelies on overpowered motorcycles, been hit by lightning, and fallen off structures of varying heights.

I have seen people who have grabbed the end of a downed power line, been run over by a truck on ice, been hit in the head with a keg of beer (full), been hit in the face with a trailer hitch at 70 mph, and who have failed utterly at trying to kill themselves.

I had never before seen somebody who's been scalped by a mixer.

Therefore, I have this to say: I believe that I have now seen it all. 

And this, come to think of it: Those plastic guards on five-foot-tall commercial mixers are there for a reason. Do not remove the guard, then lean over into the mixer to see how things are going in there, with the 300 rpm whatsis going round and round. Okay? Okay.

I wish the guy who stuck his head under the running combine to see what was making that funny noise were still around. We could double-room those two.

Saturday Silliness.

Music to rewire switches by: here. (Sadly, embedding is disabled.)

Music to plumb the kitchen sink by:

Music to consider hanging ceiling fans by:

Music to scrub the bathroom by:

Music to say "What the hell" to:

Oh, and did I mention? (Home renovation warning!)

The siding guys are going to be here tomorrow to start tearing off the rotting masonite siding.

See, masonite is great stuff--in a dry place. Why anybody would try to make siding out of it is beyond me, especially here, where we have two rainy seasons a year, followed by alternating heat and cold. This masonite has lasted, oh, about five years. It's now falling off the house in sheets, which is not good either esthetically or structurally.

So it's getting replaced. With vinyl siding which, thankfully, doesn't look like Vinyl Siding. Underneath it will be some sort of marvelous wrap that deters bugs and moisture buildup, and backing it will be insulation, ditto, that will give my walls an R-value of something like 15. The soffits, fascia, walls, porch ceiling--essentially anything that's wood--will be replaced with this stuff. 

I got a quote on having the rotten wood replaced and the whole place painted, and it came in at a couple grand more than having the joint resided, so residing it is. They're also putting cute little faux-colonial columns up in the front rather than the bizarre wrought-iron trellises (trelli?) that are there now. I'm going to have them save the trelli so I can use them on a deck I'm building in the back.

Also this week, there will be a group of very nice men coming out to reshim the house. It was levelled two years ago when I bought it, but it's shifted since and has dropped about an inch in spots. 

And then, about the time that the siding guys are done working their magic, the window and door guys will show up to replace all the grotty, rotten, unscreened, non-working windows in the joint with super-efficient double-glazed ones. And to put on two doors, both of which will be burglar, zombie, velociraptor, and salesman-proof. It struck me as I signed all the papers (and thus signed away my life, my paychecks, my liver, and my firstborn) that I have never lived in a house in which all the windows opened. This will be a new experience. 

All in all, this place will be way too nice for the likes of me when it's all said and done. 

In further plans, I'll be building a deck in the back (floating; not attached to the house) and constructing a Max-Approved Doghouse, since he really hates the one he has now and would prefer to sleep in the rain. Everybody is hereby invited to Jo's Siding, Window-and-Door, Deck, and Finally Nice Backyard party some time in August, during the hottest part of the year. Make your plans now.

And, if anybody has a few hours between now and then, I could sure use some help hauling dimensional lumber. Just sayin'.