Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Mongo has a bone!

I was wandering around HEB today (I hate shopping without an appetite; it leads to a weird larder) and saw GARGANTUAN BONES for sale. There were weeny, teacup-Schnauzer sized bones (about twelve inches) and GOLIATH BONES (that was the name), so I bought a GOLIATH BONE.

Mongo took it from me with mingled excitement and trepidation. He chewed it for about ten minutes on the back deck, then walked around the back yard, stepping very carefully, with his head on one side as he carried it off-center in his mouth. He made sure Rocky next door and Gracie two yards over saw it, and plumed his tale out when the boxer mixes on the other side of Rocky began to bark.

He couldn't figure out where to hide it. There are two trees in the back yard: one is property of a cat, the other is a peach tree that, as yet, is not big enough to hide anything under. So he tried by the shed. Then he tried next to the deck. Then he tried by the bushes on the northwest side of the yard. Nothing worked.

So he brought his GOLIATH BONE indoors and, after a drink and a little toes-up on the living room rug, proceeded to look for a place to hide it inside. So far it's been in the bathroom, behind the toilet (no go; Humans peeing apparently are not conducive to a hiding place), in the office where I type (but he can't get to the couch at the moment, dammit), and in the linen closet. The linen closet is okay for now.

The previous three dogs I've been owned by were all either northern breeds or working breeds, or combinations of the two. That meant that Elsie would happily crunch the trochanter off a cow's femur, or Max would cheerfully, between tail-wags, chomp the bone in half at the middle, or Strider would simply make the damn thing disappear in under an hour. It was a short-lived, if dramatic, way to entertain a dog: buy them a bone much larger than anything in the human body, then wonder what would happen if I died in my sleep.

What Mongo lacks in barely-civilized, wolflike instinct he makes up for in entertainment value. I felt kind of bad for him as he pranced around the yard like a Tennessee walking horse, trying to keep The Bone from falling out of his mouth, but also amused by the fact that he grabbed it by the meatiest part rather than in the middle. And he's barely gotten two bumps chewed off since noon; this bodes well for the possibilities of an open casket funeral should I kick off during the night tonight.

Speaking of open caskets, I have started a BSN program (yes, my dears; I'm finally giving in to corporate pressure to have letters after my name) online. Tests are done with a webcam provided by the school; I have to be in sight of a proctor and with my entire workspace visible by same during the testing process.

So, I was wondering: is this the appropriate time to pull out the strapless ballgown, elbow-length gloves, and tiara I've been storing for a special occasion? I mean, my Psychology Through the Lifespan test is important; should I dress for the occasion? Would it be worth it to make the proctors crack a smile? Surely they could use a little levity in their jobs.

Mongo is yelping at one of the cats, who had the temerity to investigate His Bone. Gotta go.


Oldfoolrn said...

I think dogs regard bones in the same way humans like to get involved in a good book. My Patches used to love to lick the marrow out of long bones before chewing them. He could roll his tongue up like a pencil to get really deep into the marrow.

Best wishes with your BSN.

Anne said...

Yes, definitely. It is always important to dress appropriately for the occasion.

Anonymous said...

War everything but just before starting the test - take off the gloves and toss them over your shoulder so the proctor will know you are not hiding anything; not even your fabulous attitude.

Mick Anderson said...

My dog used to treat bones like a prized possession; almost too special to eat. She was also a dead ringer for Mongo.

As for dressing for the webcam, I think you need to consider the Carmen Miranda look. It also doubles for snacks during the longer papers.

jwg said...

Oh phrase dress for the ball. And then report in. Good luck on the test.

bobbie said...

I vote for the ballgown, too...

All the best for your BSN.

Give Mongo a cuddle for me ~

drimeara said...

I vote for full on ball gown, tiara, the full shabang.

As for the pup - We finally resorted to elk antlers - they last but the dogs kinda gave up on them. I think they like to be destructive and get bored with something they can't utterly annihilate in an hour.

RehabRN said...

Best of luck to you jo. You deserve everyone of those letters, and once those babies are yours, corporate can take a lot away, but not those.

They are yours to keep.

It's just hilarious about that webcam. I did a masters online, and there was never a requirement to have one. In fact, in one class, we used Second Life, so we had to have an avatar. One of my friends always made sure she got money every day from the ATM at school (yes, they have those in SL) so she could go shopping and glam up her avatar (you really can).

90% of life is showing up. Showing up with pizzazz takes care of the other 10% too.

bobbie said...

And don't forget the Willem Belli make-up to go with the ball-gown!!