Sunday, June 27, 2010

The cats' thought processes, two a.m. edition:

"It's a mouse."

"Dude. You sure that's a mouse?"

"Yep. It's a mouse. Look at the way it's moving."

"What's a mouse doing in the bed?"

"I don't know, but that, right there? Is definitely a mouse. Watch. (swipes at lump under the sheets with one paw) See? It moved. Mouse."

"Hm. (swipes at other side of lump-under-sheets with paw) You may be right."

(Both cats sit for a moment and meditate)

"So what do we do about it?"

"Well, we're supposed to be killing those things. You know. Grabbing them with teeth and paws and biting their little heads and killing them."

"Oh. Okay. How do we do that?"

"You hit it from that side with your teeth, and I'll grab it from this side with my claws and kick it really hard with my back legs. It's a big mouse."

"Yeah. It is a big mouse. We'd better get it right the first time."

(Lump under sheets moves slightly)

"You ready?"

"I'm ready."

"Okay... ... ... ... ...GO!!"

(Both cats attack Nuclear Mutant Bed-Mouse simultaneously)

"Holy SHIT! Who knew that mouse was attached to the Human?!"

"Who knew humans could levitate?"

"Why is she making those noises? She's awfully loud."

"Dude. We'd better get out of here. She's got the squirt bottle."

(Both cats beat it for the door)



Anonymous said...

Our cats call that killing Duvet Dragons :)

Lisa G said...

Best post I've read all day, hands down! Our three cats have way too many run-ins with the bed mice, LOL!

messymimi said...

We've heard that script, too. My husband laughed when I read it to him, too.

woolywoman said...

Door. Bedroom. Closed. Let them converse on that for a cold, lonely night on the couch!

bobbie said...

Thanks for the wonderful belly laugh!!!

k8 said...

Ah yes. My cats are fierce and staunch defenders against the Mighty Toe Monster, too. said...

LOL. It's just a mouse.

We all know that a rat is bigger.

bdaiss said...

Bahahaha! Awesome post!

Our two long ago learned the Nuclear Mutant Bed-Mouse kicks back. At least the one on the right does. The other side is more likely to break out the squirt bottle she keeps handy at all times.

Thanks for a Monday morning laugh!

Robert said...


JacquiBee said...

Ha the dreaded sqirt bottle is at our house reserved for the naughty neighbour cat who thinks our casa is his casa and appears in open windows, sits at our back door waiting for it to open, generally slinks about to sneak raid our poor blind cats food bowl. Ruby (the slinker has a girls name, maybe thats his problem) can recognise the squirt bottle and it the only thing that sees him off. shame he is so cute and yet so bad