Thursday, July 03, 2008

Product Reviews: Shit That Works Like It's Supposed To Edition

It's been a while since I've done one of these. Therefore, without further ado, Shit That Works Like It's Supposed To:

1. Cline Vineyards Viognier, 2007

I've only ever tasted Becker Vineyards' (just down the road! Try the lamb!) viognier before, and found it a little on the sweet side. Cline Vineyards is a California establishment that produces a semi-dry viognier with a nice, peachy aftertaste that also includes a little oak and some citrus. It's good for drinking when the temperature is, say, 102* for the fifth stinkin' day in a row.

2. MyChelle Fruit Fiesta Facial Peel

The blog on which I read the first review of this product mentioned "vat of acid" and "having my face used as a pinata at a school for wayward children". I didn't find it all that difficult to endure, but then, late-thirties acne has me inured to almost anything. My face, when I washed it off, was clean and smooth and well-moisturized, with nary a hint of redness. This is a keeper. It didn't even fade my freckles!

3. Sara Lee 45 Calories & Delightful 100% Multi-grain bread

Don't kill me. Friend Heather, who is a successful yoga teacher and Weight Watchers' devotee, swears by this stuff. I had been eating the Pepperidge Farms 15-Grain Shred Utility What The Hell Is This? Gristle? Bread for years in order to get my full RDA of grains. It made me sleepy. The Sara Lee stuff, though it's probably made with black magic, tastes just as good with peanut butter and fills me up without making me nap afterwards. 

4. M.A.C. Loud Lash mascara

I have one complaint with Loud Lash: It's not manufactured any more. If you can find some on eBay in an unopened package, grab it. This shit stays put through a twelve-hour day during which both the water and power go out, meaning no electricity, and it will. Not. Come. Off. You'll have to use straight oil to dissolve it. Which means you'll have to buy either an oil cleanser or plain olive or coconut oil, but it's worth it. 

5. Parachute (or any brand, really) Pure Coconut Oil

Speaking of oil, did you know that coconut oil is molecularly quite close to sebum?

That means that you can rub it on your face and leave it there for a couple seconds and it'll dissolve not only makeup, but blackheads. It'll condition your hair beautifully if you put it on said hair when said hair is dry and shampoo it out afterwards. It'll take care of nasty dry-skin rashes with no fuss.  Best of all, a huge bottle of it is $1.67 at Mida's All Indian All Asian Bazaar, Your One-Stop Shop For All Asian Needs, which means you'll have bank left over for some stick-on bindis for when you're feelin' fly.

6. And, last but not least, Le Vent Du Nord.

Just go buy a couple of albums, already. It's the best toe-tapping, dance-inciting, nasal-projected-singing music Quebec has to offer. And the guy on guitar is cute.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Coconut oil is a great idea. Soaking a pit bull in it, however, is a terrible idea.

I tried coconut oil on my hair this morning -- rubbed it in, let it sit, lathered rinsed repeated. My hair is soft and fluffy for the first time in months. However, while I was letting the coconut oil sit on my hair, I thought "It feels so good on my scalp, and my dog has been so itchy lately, I will try putting coconut oil on him too."

So I poured it into my palm and rubbed it on him. he liked the rubbing and he also liked the oil. In fact, he went into a frenzy of licking -- paws, knees, stomach, everywhere he could reach, and straining for the places he couldn't. I got worried because I didn't want him to throw out his back or get explosive diarrhea, so I decided to give him a bath.

It is very hard to restrain a thrashing pit bull when it's greased up like a fairgrounds pig. At one point he escaped through the garage and there's a trail of oil and soapsuds in there now that shows no signs of drying. Plus, he's still licking, so we might still have explosive diarrhea later today anyway, but I'm so tired that it probably won't bother me as much as it would have normally. I'll keep you posted.