Friday, November 23, 2007

With regards to Jill Sobule

I once saw a photo of a poster, somewhere online, that showed a large Malamute and the words "LOOK AT THIS DOG."

The text below read like your typical Lost Dog advertisement, except that it consisted of things like "Isn't this a MAGNIFICENT FUCKING DOG?? I love this dog. He is so damn cool. Last seen being COOL in my huge-ass backyard, which is what he does EVERY DAY."

I am totes in love with my dog.

He grumbles. He dances. He makes "hmmmMMMMmmmrrrgh" noises when I rub his ears. Sometimes he invites me outside to play by bringing every single damn chew toy and rubber ball and bone and bull penis (dried) and stick and rock in the back yard up to the door and dropping it, then looking hopeful. "Herd Ball? Can we play Herd Ball, please? Pleeeeeeez?" (Thanks to Kris for the name of that game.)

He has enormous shoulders, big brown eyes, and blond hair. What more could I want in a male that takes up most of my bed? Yeah, he's got a hairy back, but hey. He only eats once a day and that's dry kibble, so I know he won't drink the last beer.

And he likes me to scratch his belly. There's nothing better after a long day than coming home and letting him in and having him roll over with one paw up, asking for Belly Rubs. Rub Mah Belly, Human!

He has a magnificent bark. I love to hear him bark, unless it's at 2 am. And we're having a problem with the "bark when people come to the door" thing, as he normally barks as they're driving away. Yeah, the Mansons could come in and he wouldn't mind, provided he got Belly Rubs, but he's learning.

He doesn't chase the cat. He doesn't chase squirrels. So far, he has not peed once in the house (we'll see how that goes once I get a Christmas tree). He's nice to strangers, unless they're skeevy. If they're skeevy, he stares at them with his ears pricked. If they're not skeevy, or if they're friends, he lets his right ear flop over or to the side. He's completely smitten with the pug next door. He licks my face when I'm feeling bad.

I am totally, *totally* in love with my dog.

LOOK at my dog. Isn't he magnificent? He is. Yes, he is.


shrimplate said...

I wanted a saluki, borzoi, or perhaps a greyhound but we ended up with a four-month-old chocolate Lab and she's the sweetest thing and yes, it's lllluuuuurrrrrrvve.

The cats, however, have entered into contractual agreements with some rather unsavory-looking characters.

woolywoman said...

Well, but we need a picture. Really. Preferably with somting to show scale. Please?

Bardiac said...

Dogs are amazing packmates, no? You're lucky, sounds like you two are pretty much made for each other!

Penny Mitchell said...

Can we post a photo for woolywoman with my foot in the frame? Because he's the only thing that's gonna make my feet look small.

GingerJar said...

I have three wonderful dogs. One is old (14) and almost blind, but cuddly as a teddy bear, one is three and a daushound...Ms. Wiggles...who is very calm and will lay by you for hours, the third is itty bitty, 10 lbs of voracious appetite...will eat anything and everything including non-food items and nut-shells...we have the vet on speed-dial! LOL. Can we say "pica".