1. If you have to jack with it, it's wrong.
This goes for everything from IV tubing to new shoes to long-standing romantic relationships. If you have to jack with the tube-feeding tubing to get it to go into the IV port, you've got it wrong. If you have to walk like a kangaroo in Earth Shoes in your new shoes, return them. If you have to jack with your responses in a long-time relationship, it's time to rethink.
2. If in doubt, give oxygen.
Again, this goes for everything from nonresponsive patients to relationships. Space is a good thing.
3. Sternal rubs cause bruising out of proportion to their usefulness.
This does not mean you should necessarily stop using them. After all, bringing one patient back from the brink of grokdom is worth a few bruises, right? Right. The trick is knowing when, by looking at your patient's sternum, one more mofoing sternal rub is not going to do the trick.
4. Always set two alarms in case of power failure.
That one's self-explanatory.
5. Less than a quarter-tank of gas is just asking for trouble.
Even when gas is $3.40 a gallon.
6. If you love, love, love a place, you should either buy it (if it's a condo or a house) or move there (if it's a city) without thinking too hard about the alternatives.
Another alternative may be better to the logical thinker, but will it make you happier? I think not. (Joey, listen up.)
7. Pate de fois gras always tastes better when you have several months of anticipation invested in it.
I'm going travelling in July, yes I am.
8. Cocaine and methamphetamine are the only scary drugs.
9. When you're eating faux-Mexican, just go 'head and get a to-go box right at the start.
That way, when the waitstaff brings you a four-part symphony in pseudo-burrito, you can put it away rather than munching on it all evening.
10. Support hose, no matter how good they feel at 0900, will always twist in some heretofore-unimagined way and cut off your circulation during a code.
You have been warned.