Saturday, November 04, 2006

What's in *your* wallet?

I am looking for a pen. It is, I think, a Pilot G7 with black gel ink and a medium point. It is the pen I use to balance my checkbook. Without this pen, no checkbook-balancin' is a-gonna happen. So I have to find this pen.

It is not in the drawer where I keep the checkbook and check register. It is not next to the telephone. It is not in my purse. It is, most significantly, in the pencil bag I use to hold the detritus of my day as a nurse.

I did, however, find the following things:

1. One five-hundred milligram capsule of acetazolamide (Diamox). Why?

2. One dosepak blister card containing a multivitamin.

3. One each of those little plastic ampoules of albuterol and Atrovent that one uses to give nebulizer treatments. These I remember: Joe the Respiratory Therapist gave 'em to me when I had bronchitis. For a while, I also carried around my own nebs tubing.

4. Two Halls Menthol cough drops, still in wrapper.

5. Three sticks of peppermint Extra gum, not in outside wrapper. I know it's Extra because it's the last gum I bought.

6. A pair of straight forceps.

7. A pair of curved forceps. Why I have these, I don't know.

8. A pair of iris scissors. Ran my finger into the point of 'em just now, ow.

9. Fourteen alcohol wipes.

10. Twelve cotton 2-by-2s in various stages of decrepitude.

11. Three Introcan Safety-W 20 gauge, 32 mm long, 60 ml/min IV needles in their wrappers.

12. $1.26 in small change.

13. An empty acetaminophen blister pack. I took the acetaminophen.

14. Three partially-used rolls of tape, two of which come in those IV start kits.

15. One 14-french red rubber catheter. Unused. I think my coworkers stuck that in there as a joke.

16. Two highlighters, one Sharpie retractable marker courtesy of Lovenox, two Relpax ballpoints, one Viagra ballpoint (nice pen), one ancient Dr. Grip ballpoint, four red ballpoints, and one mechanical pencil.

17. Two penlights. Both work.

No checkbook-balancing pen. Dammit.


Anonymous said...

Typical nurse stuff, my mother-in-law - a former head nurse - opened her possibles drawer to get me a band-aid and there among the identical items you named was a bottle with what looked like a lump of sugar in it. The label said cocaine. She looked at with a frown and said "where did I get that." I said "lets get rid of it quick; It shouldn't go to waste.

Jo said...


I mean, I can see walking out with a couple Diamox or even a Lortab once in a while. But cocaine?

I assume she was involved somehow in nasal or oral surgery and not with a precise dealer.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I laughed out loud over this one, mainly because I catch so much crap over everything that I empty out of my pockets when I get home.

She has started putting baggies of stuff back in my work bag to drop back off at work. I usually bring home 3-4 angiocaths of various sizes every day, plenty of tape and 2x2's, and I could start my own alcohol pad supply store...

You gt me topped on the red robin catheter, though... Never had one of those in my pockets, and surely wouldn't be bringing one home... It actually scares me a little bit that your friends were able to slip in in your bag without your noticing...

shrimplate said...

Sometimes curved Kellys can be used to reach a little further into the nostrils than straight ones.