Friday, July 08, 2011

BORED. *blam* BOOOORED. *blam* BOOOOOORED!! *blam*

(A little "Sherlock" humor there, special for Der Alter Jo.)

I do this Recovery Thing very badly.

First of all, I hate pain medicine. Dilaudid makes me woozy and dizzy, hydrocodone makes me itch, it's too early to take naproxen or ibuprofen, and whiskey is ten miles away and thus totally out of the question. But I *hurt*, so I end up taking the Lortab as it's been prescribed, especially after Notamus decides that his fourteen pounds needs to be on my lap right the hell now. And I itch, and it doesn't help much, and I'm still stuck with this cat on my tum.

Secondly, I have entirely too much energy of entirely the wrong sort. I can't lift anything that weighs more than five pounds. That makes laundry difficult and taking out the trash impossible, and made folding up the futon today something that I considered, then rejected. Don't even ask about the gymnastics it took to get Max's food bowl off the porch and into the house.

I suppose I could edit the stuff I've written for Scrubs, but if there's anything worse than my writing when I'm on painkillers, it's my editing when I'm on painkillers. All of a sudden, major arguments go away and subject-verb agreement seems not to matter in the least. I become one of those people who insert's apostrophe's rand'omly into word's. Worst of all, I start adding things that, to my sleep-deprived and drug-addled brain, sound funny. It's like SNL in the mid-nineties.

Thirdly, I am very, very, very grumpy after surgery. Maybe it's the constant itch; maybe it's the inability to *do* much, or maybe it's the cat walking on the keyboard, but I get foul-tempered and out of sorts. I've been reminding both the boys today that "cat" is only one letter away from "hat" and that it won't stay too hot for fur headcoverings forever. It's unfair; they're actually being very sweet, if a bit clingy, but I'm taking my temper out on everything from bran muffins to ceiling fans that need to be dusted.

(Speaking of cats, Ibid showed up this evening earlier than usual and wearing a cute little pink collar with a bell on. She has a new home, hurrah! She acted quite pleased with herself and declined food, but accepted pets.)

And, finally, *you* try to be serene and relaxed when your belly is so bloated you can't breathe deeply. I have some remarkable bruising that's only just now starting to show up, as well as some fantastic marks from the tape they used on the operating drapes: I'm allergic to adhesives, apparently. My right shoulder is sore, even though they obviously worked hard to press all the CO2 out of me prior to closing me up.

It's a good thing I own ten empire-waisted dresses. Der Alter Jo asked hopefully if I'd be able to make Marcus Wallaby, MD's birthday party this weekend, and I had to respond, "Dear, I can't even wear pants. Only sluts run around without drawers, so the answer is no."

I guess it's a good thing my social life is in shambles. I'm in no shape to be pretty, popular, or charming just now. I can go to bed, sleep three hours at a stretch, and then get up and surf Craigslist for project cars and nobody'll be the wiser.

Bah. Lortab. Bah. *blam*

14 comments:

CaLLie.ANN said...

Sorry you're not feeling so hot. However, on the plus side, I adore your writing.

messymimi said...

My sympathy, especially on the adhesive allergy.

LifePainter said...

Hmmm...watch movies and get out the coloring books and crayons? :-D
That's what I would do in between naps.

Anonymous said...

Anesthetic makes me ornery. First it's the three days of barfing, then the grumpys set in. it's like I'm a neurologist or something for a good two weeks.

Cr0w$C@lling said...

The wall had it coming....

Gretchen said...

I'm relieved to know that adhesive allergy is not something I made up. It's a pain in the ass. Here's hoping for a speedy recovery.

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Glad you are recovering; I have an adhesive allergy too-found out the same way you did after breast surgery, Owie and Itchie came to stay for a week or more... hang in there, in a week or so it’ll be just a memory.

Laura said...

If you like Sherlock and/or Benedict Cumberbach (and how can you not like him?), go to YouTube and check out Cabin Pressure. That might keep you amused for a while.



wv: rednes. A description of Jo's new-found allergy to adhesives.

scotvixen said...

Awww. If I had enough breath in me to entertain you with thoughts and ponderings, I'd call you in a second.

Alas, I am also recovering, so computer only today. Wash and I are sending love and cuddles from Aelphie who is but the mere weight of a paperback. She's a light cuddler. ;p

Heal fast dear! And feel free to call Wash and talk his ear off, he's free today. :)

bobbie said...

I hear you on the adhesive allergies...
Sending vibes for healing and patience ~

birdergirl said...

I can sympathize with the bloated belly - had laparascopic surgery that turned into a laparotomy. The bloating and gas above the diaphragm are just awful. Yup - you sure don't want to to anywhere without "drawers"! Hope you are feeling better now.

terri c said...

Bah on all of it--pain, Lortab, inflation, bruising, tape allergy, sore shoulder, and the fact that although this too shall pass it won't pass THIS MINUTE. Bah. Holding thumbs for you to feel better quickly.

wv: sterona--a reaction to pred?

Dr. Alice said...

So sorry you aren't feeling well, but on the bright side I learned a lot from your post. I can now advise pts who have a laparoscopy how they are likely to feel after the fact!

Hope all is well soon and that the itch stops.

woolywoman said...

Benadryl? If it doesn't stop the itching, it might knock you out. Best wishes. Go read the Instructables website. It's always entertaining, but exponentially more so on lortab.