1. Babies are remarkably resilient. You can drop them on their heads and they'll be fine. They're made out of rubber and springs, and can be handled like any other mostly-sleeping animal.
2. Sometimes babies hate breastfeeding. Ur NOT doin it wrong; it's simply a personal preference on the part of the baby. If said baby doesn't like the breast, bottlefeeding does not make you a bad mother. (Corollary: sometimes babies and toddlers are way too fond of boobies. I remember vividly the time an 18-month-old tried to breastfeed on me. Bras, after that, became a non-negotiable item in my wardrobe.)
3. Babies are messy.
4. Occasionally, babies can be surprisingly loud. Luckily, your tolerance for baby-produced noise grows with the lung-strength of said baby.
5. Babies require a lot of *stuff*. Diapers alone take up more space than you ever expected.
6. No baby can stay clean for more than two minutes (max) at a stretch.
7. If you need to, you *can* walk away from a baby, head into another room, and take some time off. Just make sure the baby is on the floor, in the middle of the bed, or in a crib: someplace said baby can't fall off of.
8. If it does fall off of whatever it's in or on, it's not the end of the world. See #1, above.
9. Babies are most easily washed in the kitchen sink, with the spray attachment to your faucet.
10. Babies should be kept far, far away from Auntie Jo, lest she teach them how to say "Dilapidated Motherfucker" at the age of two and give them trumpets and drum sets before they reach grade school.
TMOG and LW's baby is due mid-December. I wondered when I last saw her if she were indeed pregnant; I seem to have an innate Geiger-counter for breeding women. The crazy hippies across the street and I are planning a tie-dye-the-onesies baby shower/party for LW; we'll see how the baby does with eight gazillion people tryin' to raise it right.