Peel, if you feel like it, and core two apples (if they're big) or three (if they're small). I use a mixture of 2/3 Honeycrisp to 1/3 Granny Smith, if you're being particular.
Slice them thickly or chop them into chunks, whichever takes less energy.
Open a bottle of wine or beer. Take a swig.
Set the chopped apples aside in a pie pan.
Take a big bowl, or maybe just a big-ish bowl, out of the cabinet, or you can use a roasting pan, or whatever. No biggie.
Mix roughly a cup of rolled oats (not steel cut or instant) with a half-cup of flour in that bowl/pan/whatever.
Add about a third of a cup of brown sugar.
Sprinkle on some nutmeg and cinnamon. Maybe toss in some salt if you can be bothered.
Take another swig.
In the microwave, or with the power of your mind, melt about a quarter cup of butter. Sometimes I use more--way more, like a half-cup. Anyway, melt away.
When the butter's done melting, and you've maybe had a few Fritos and perhaps a slice of leftover pizza and put on your sweatpants, dump that stuff into your flour/oat mixture and stir like crazy for as long as you can stand it, or until the ingredients are pretty much mixed.
Take another swig. Consider the genesis of Fritos. Be thankful for them.
Now dump that flour/oat stuff atop your apples, making at least some effort to get it mostly even across and around the apples.
Pop that bad boy in the oven for 40 minutes or thereabouts, or until the apples are tender. If you can't be bothered to fish a knife out of a drawer, just look for little bubbles of apple-y juices around the edge.
Top with cream or ice cream or just eat it on its own.
Apply to face.