I start the CC internship in a month. A month. What was I thinking? What the hell am I doing, leaving what I'm used to? What happens if I hate it?
What happens if I can't do EKGs? I've never been good at EKGs. And all that other CV stuff; I haven't done that in years. I can't remember what Vfib looks like. Blocks...blocks...I can't remember blocks. What's the normal for mag? I can't remember. I've been off work for too long. I'm only back for a few weeks, and then I start the internship.
Holy crap. What if I hate it? What if they hate me? I'm going to have to work nights. I've never worked a night in my life. What if I can't stay awake? What if I can't sleep the day before my first night? Oh, God, oh, God. Nights. What am I going to do about feeding the dog? How long will I have to work nights? When will I start? What if I hate it?
Seven years. I've worked on the same unit for seven years. Why did I have to go and make a change now? I wonder if it's too late to back out. It probably is. What if I hate it? I'm going to feel like a complete idiot for at least a month, and pretty stupid for at least six months after that. Ventrics. I haven't dealt with a ventric in...what? Four years? Five? I've forgotten how to level them. I mean, I know this is what an internship is for, but they'll expect me to remember this stuff.
Oh, geez, and ventilators. I wonder how much ventilator stuff we'll have to do. RT is right there, but will I have to troubleshoot? What about extubation? What about intubation? What about code team? When do you use bicarb, again? Isn't bicarb, like, your last resort? Shit. And open bellies. Open. Bellies. Covered with plastic wrap. That's insane. What am I doing, changing units?
We're gonna see a lot of flu cases this year. Probably some of 'em'll be on vents. I hope I don't get the flu. What'll I do about vents? What if I have to go to Holy Kamole and work on vents there? And what about all that damn CV stuff? Geez, I hate counting out rhythms. I need to get a better stethoscope. I need a set of calipers. My feet hurt. It's the last night of my vacation, and my fucking feet hurt. I can't sleep. What about EKGs? I wonder when they'll have flu shots for us. I wonder *if* they'll have flu shots for us. Maybe I can tell 'em I'm pregnant, and get a flu shot that way. But then I'd have to produce a baby.
Which would probably be easier than starting this damn internship.