It's official.

I have seen people who have had various body parts kicked in or off by various animals.

I have seen people who have been hit by drunk drivers, popped ill-advised wheelies on overpowered motorcycles, been hit by lightning, and fallen off structures of varying heights.

I have seen people who have grabbed the end of a downed power line, been run over by a truck on ice, been hit in the head with a keg of beer (full), been hit in the face with a trailer hitch at 70 mph, and who have failed utterly at trying to kill themselves.

I had never before seen somebody who's been scalped by a mixer.

Therefore, I have this to say: I believe that I have now seen it all. 

And this, come to think of it: Those plastic guards on five-foot-tall commercial mixers are there for a reason. Do not remove the guard, then lean over into the mixer to see how things are going in there, with the 300 rpm whatsis going round and round. Okay? Okay.

I wish the guy who stuck his head under the running combine to see what was making that funny noise were still around. We could double-room those two.