Things I have learned on my winter vacation:

1. I am a cheap-ass S.O.B. Instead of dropping twenty-eight smackers on an in-drawer knife holder from Williams-Sonoma, I cut off part of the cardboard center from a roll of shelf liner and cut slits into it. Insta-knife-holder, for free, which not only keeps the knives from getting dull, but also prevents unwitting finger amputation! (I also use magazine subscription cards and those "Have You Seen Me?" things as coasters. Yes, I suck.)

2. I am a clumsy mother(shutyomouth) as well. Friend Pens the Lotion Slut and I were exiting the local shop-n-snack when I tripped and fell. Spectacularly. On dry, flat pavement. That was probably the highlight of Pens's trip, sadly.

3. I am not as good a cook as I thought. Friend Pens and I visited another friend of ours, who made such wonderful food I felt thoroughly spoiled in less than 12 hours. Of course, any recipe that starts with butternut squash and 3.5 cups of half-and-half will be good, but still. Plus, Bek and her husband live in a pastoral setting just up the hill from the Brazos and have a firepit. It was a perfect visit. Perfect.

4. Lane Bryant *rocks*. I went there just a few days ago for the first time and was amazed. I'm technically (in Big-Girl Speak) a "tweener"--somebody who can wear a 10, 12, or 14 depending on the cut. LB specializes in Big Girl clothes, and man, does their stuff *fit*. Every shirt I put on fit my lats and shoulders. Every pair of pants and skirt I tried fit my weightlifter's thighs and butt--*and*! you can buy pants with smaller or larger waists, so those of us with a size 10 waist and size 14 butt won't go naked! They're having a huge sale right now, so go. Seriously. I'm still not mentally over not being a size 6 any more, but the staff and clothes at LB made me feel normal and sexy and stylish.

5. My dog rocks more than I ever thought possible. Hanging out with Max for two weeks uninterrupted made me so grateful to have him around. He's smarter than most people I meet and better-lookin' than all of 'em.

6. I am capable of heretofore-unimagined feats of laziness. The first five days of vacation? Couch. Chair. Eat. Sleep. Beer at noon, with pizza. Couch again. The only time my metabolism got off baseline was when Atilla the Cheerleader showed up to make me run and lift weights. I have no memory of my first week off, and it was heaven.

7. I don't miss having a TV.

8. Not working is highly underrated. The most I did regarding work was to visit my work email and read the occasional, short email, then delete it.

9. If they'd pay me regular wages for staying home, I'd consider it.

10. I am going to be very sad to go back to work. Very sad. Especially when the alarm goes off at oh-dear-thirty on Monday.

11. But I still have two more days!