Friday, April 15, 2005

Simple definitions from life

We occasionally use the phrase "jacked up" at work. This is somewhere between "on vulture precautions" and "train wreck", and is a source of confusion for those people not versed in the cynical and bitter humor of a neuroscience unit. Therefore, I present examples of "jacked up" and "not jacked up" for your perusal. It is to be hoped that they will clarify the issue.

Migas: not jacked up.
Migas with store-bought pico de gallo: jacked up.

Hole in your belly I could put my head through: not jacked up.
Hole in your belly secondary to an abcess that's been cooking for twenty years, ever since you had gastric stapling: jacked up.

Hemiparetic after a stroke: most definitely not jacked up.
Hemiparetic and in respiratory distress: potentially severely jacked.

Spontaneous Creutzfeld-Jakob disease: jacked up. No question.

Asshole third-year resident: not jacked up, as there is still hope.
Asshole third-year resident in peer review: irretrievably jacked up.

Twinkies: total jacked-uppery.
Deep fried Twinkies with Hershey's syrup: not jacked up.

Fractured pelvis and dislocated hip: only semi-jacked-up.
Fractured pelvis, dislocated hip, history of polio: jacked. Up.

Nurse on day one of a three-day week: not jacked up.
Nurse on day three of a three-day week: jacked up.

Having a kneecap kicked off by a horse: jacked up.
Getting inadvertently stepped on by a one-ton bull: not jacked up.

Brain tumor: depends. If it's a meningioma: not jacked up. Glioblastoma multiforme? Jacked.

I hope that's a little clearer now.

4 comments:

The Heretik said...

Very jacky, headly, Very jacky.

me said...

Ok, two questions:

Can you actually get your kneecap kicked OFF by a horse? (Follow up: is this patient on your unit? If so, why?)

Second...a glioblastoma is that one that's like fingers, right?

Jo said...

Yes, you can have your kneecap kicked off by a horse. That is, it can be so slewed over to one side, and so badly smashed, that it is no longer fixable and has to be replaced with some sort of titanium thingamajig.

As for glios looking like fingers, I don't really know (having never seen one inside somebody's brain). However, they do incorporate both cancerous and benign tissue in an ill-defined area, and spread rapidly from a necrotic center, so I could see the finger analogy.

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