Wednesday, June 08, 2016

The Human Body: Major Design Flaws Edition

Knees: Why do knees have to bend the way they do, and why are they so out-there and unsupported by something stronger than ligaments? If you go sideways just once, everything stretches out of shape and you're left with a dicky joint forever. Plus each joint has to handle all the weight of the human body on an angle (especially if you're female).

Elbows: Same thing, but with a really limited range of motion. Silly idea.

Temporal Bone: Why such a thin casing over the brain in just a couple of spots? If you're gonna have a solid barrier of bone, make it thick all the way around.

Cervical Spine: "Hey! Let's put an eight-pound lump of bone and meat jello on top of this stack of bones filled with meat jello, and make it really vulnerable to breakage or stretchage!" As an extra added bonus, nothing else in the body will work if you fuck part of this system up.

And we can't turn our heads 270 degrees the way owls can, and we have a bad layout of large vessels in the neck. It's just a fail all the way around.

Urethra, female: Who thought of putting the opening to a system that must remain sterile in the middle of a soup of bacteria, some good, some bad? Who, having done that, would think it wise to make the entrance to that sterile system only a few centimeters long? This is, mind you, without the acidity of the mouth or the protection of mucus to keep bad bugs in check.

Prostate, male: Oh, come *on.* How did "secretory gland inclined to swell and block the flow of urine" get design approval?

Any area through which a nerve has to pass: Let's make it really, *really* small, then add a bunch of stuff around it that's likely to swell and irritate the nerve. Brilliant.

The lack of regenerative capabilities: IKEA could design a better body overall. If something breaks, you just limp on in to the Meat Part Store and buy another bit to screw on with a teeny Allen wrench.

No, I'm not feeling bitter today. Why do you ask?


Donna Wood said...

We were designed to live to the ripe old age of 35-40. If doctors hadn't messed all that up, we'd be just fine and our bodies wouldn't have time to wear out.

Old Fool said...

Why are abdominal organs so vulnerable to trauma? There has to be a better way to protect them. The current set-up reminds me of chunks of Jello in a paper grocery bag.

Laina said...

this reminds me of what an anatomy professor said about knees. "God is a good god, but a terrible engineer."

RehabRN said...

A lifetime ago, the engineers I worked with told me this joke.

Some engineers were sitting around and talking about what kind of engineer God was.

The first one says, "Well, it's obvious, God was a mechanical engineer. Look at the skeleton, the complexity, strength, etc.".

The second one says, "No, I think God was an electrical engineer. Those nerves carry electrical impulses, run the heart, send pain signals, so you know that's proof."

The final engineer says, "Excuse me, but I think God was a civil engineer."

The first engineer says, "Why is that, Bob."

Bob says, "God HAD to be a civil engineer. Who else would put a sewer in a recreation area?"

And every time the senior engineer told it, he would chuckle. (He was a civil engineer, of course).

JaneB said...

Greasing points for joints are definitely needed...

Nick said...

My massage therapist and I have had this discussion multiple times -- when he found muscles I didn't know I had. We decided the human body had to have been designed by a committee of the very brightest -- in terms of test scores, not real world experience -- engineers each tribe could offer up, at a time when none of them could speak the same language, or read each others drawings. Somehow they managed to sign off on it.....

clairesmum said...

NSAIDS and good massage therapists help, hot and cold packs help, but nursing does take a toll on your body that you underestimate when you start in your 20s. The chuckles I got from your blog and the other responses probably help, too.
Take care, Jo.

Geri said...

Jo, once again you have hit the nail squarely and solidly on the head. well done (says the woman who's shoulder is not pleased with the amount of time spent mousing and typing while writing a wedding ceremony over the last week).

Penny Mitchell said...



Lacrimal glands.


Nursing College said...

That’s why every major sports makes it illegal to clip, or hit an opponent’s knee from the side.

Tina said...

I'm a layman and found your blog from another one of those blasted ".....### things to know if your ________ hurts or changes from last week...."
And I love it! I hope I can eventually catch up on a lot of your older writings, but
right now I have to get up from this computer because, well you know. I've been sitting too long and that can cause problems with my _____ and my __________ and I'm not ready to meet you and your crew anytime soon.
Thanks, Jo.