Saturday, May 24, 2014

Contrary to how I might sound here,

I am rarely in a mood to authentically injure somebody.

Yesterday was different.

We've had staffing changes and new responsibilities added and a whole bunch of other bidness I won't go into; suffice to say that things have been tense and difficult for the last couple of weeks.

It was 1430. I'd spent three hours trying to keep an insufficiently-sedated patient from crawling out of an MRI tube, then gotten gut-punched. People on ventilators, even if they're sedated, can come up with a surprising amount of will and strength and coordination.

I wanted a cup of coffee. Correction: I was dying for a cup of coffee. The floor manager had recently cleaned out our station, preparatory to The Great And Terrible Joint Commission coming for a visit. I figured, since I keep my coffee pods in a cabinet that's designated for personal effects, that they wouldn't go anywhere.

Our floor manager is great. She's skilled, hard-working, empathetic, and determined. We're very lucky to have her. I admire her a lot.

But she moved my coffee. I opened up the cabinet, saw that it was gleaming, clean, and empty, and immediately said, "I will shank the bitch who moved my coffee."

After looking for the coffee pods for fifteen minutes, I gave up and had a cup of the elderly, stewed stuff in the breakroom. (Is there some physical law that prevents breakroom coffee from ever being fresh?)

Note to everybody, everywhere: You don't just move a woman's coffee without warning. Doing so might invoke disciplinary action, up to and including termination. With extreme, undercaffeinated prejudice.

12 comments:

PhysioProffe said...

LOLZ! DON'T FUCKE WITH COFFEE!!

messymimi said...

Reach for my coffee and you will pull back a nub!

gela said...

You are too funny and my kind of girl

RehabRN said...

Oh jo! I feel SO sorry for you.

There is a reserved seat in Hades for those who move coffee like that intentionally.

Hope you find the missing java.

Anonymous said...

All female nurses are perverts and unprofessional

Jo said...

Anon, you made my day with your comment. I wondered where you'd gone! So glad you're back.

Anonymous said...

It seems its so damn tense everywhere right now! And why do they think they can squeeze blood out of a turnip?? We can only humanly do so much.

Anonymous said...

mandatory life fuel, don't touch it

MamaPontius said...

JC just paid us a visit last week. Make sure you don't have any cardboard boxes hanging around. Just sayin...

cowango said...

I see JC is out and about. We passed, gracious bee. Cabinets scoured clean with anything placed in said cabinets threatened to be pitched, including purses and coffee. I make our jet fuel most days when I'm there. And don't tell me not to drink it in the nurses' station.

Sid said...

You can share my foo foo creamer (if you ask). Borrow my ears, if you need (that stethoscope has been passed around more than a Kardashian - well close anyhow) and even use MY computer in a pinch. However all bets are off if you touch my coffee (I am a coffee snob) or my pens (I am a pen freak). Either offense is punishable by death!

You have been warned!

Anonymous said...

Nurses need coffee to survive especially under stressful situations. I call it "pick me upper". The manager wanted to get the place ready for surveyors in order to be in compliance. Next time keep your coffee in your pocket book.