Monday, April 22, 2013

Hell of a time to show up, complications. Hell of a time.

So, when I visited the lovely Nikki and her cronies up in Seattle (heeeeeyyyy!), I came down with a Horrible East-Coast Plague brought by the lovely Lara. Lara is Gwyneth Paltrow; don't let anybody tell you different. Some say the world will end in fire, some say in ice; *I* say it will end with an innocent-sounding sneeze from Pittsburgh.

Three days ago, I came down with Plague Two-Point-Ought.

The doc could do nothing for me, since I declined her kind offer of multiple opiates for cough suppression. Even as lovely as that stuff can be, I'd rather cough until my toenails come loose than itch and be constipated and paranoid for days on end. Delsym, combined with Tiger Balm, Benadryl, and bourbon, does just as well.

She did, however, tell me that I can probably expect this to happen more often in the future. Not that she has a whole lot of patients with their palates missing, but, as she pointed out, it's only natural that the deficiencies in my muscosa would lead to greater susceptibility to virii.

I wash my hands. I alcohol-foam them. I keep them away from my face. I take prenatal vitamins, for God's sake, and zinc, and Vitamin D. I clean my prosthetic until it shines like unto the sun at noonday on the new-fallen snow. I stay away from sick people (yes, yes, I know, but stroke does not equal sick), I eat well, I exercise moderately at the frequency recommended by experts.

I fucking FLOSS.

And I got two colds in six weeks, both of which have left me sounding like I ate a bagpiper and producing snot the likes of which I won't describe.

Bourbon. Focus on that, chum. Bourbon, and Benadryl, and sit sleeping up so you don't cough.

Yeah. Somethin' like that.

6 comments:

Nikki said...

"I fucking FLOSS."

RehabRN said...

Oh, no! Hope you feel better soon, jo.
Coughing hacking snot really stinks!

Glad you got the bourbon.

RehabRN said...

Oh, no! Hope you feel better soon, jo.
Coughing hacking snot really stinks!

Glad you got the bourbon.

Anonymous said...

As a bagpiper (no, really, I am) can I just say that the phrase "sounding like I ate a bagpiper" made me laugh really, really hard?

Hope you feel better soon!

Lara said...

Damn, my germs are powerful. Damn my germs. Damn them to hell!

I hope you feel better soon, Jo. *hugs*

MaryMo said...

Oh my honey. :( No bueno. Get better soon.