Tuesday, June 12, 2012

This is what happens when I try to live like a normal person. . .

Neighbor Beth is here. She's wiping down the kitchen as I slowly, slooowly type this, for reasons which will become clear in a minute.

Those of you who follow me on Facebook will know that I had a cheerful afternoon of productve semi-drunkeness with Neighbor Beth (who is Not Good With Blood). After the prosecco had worn off, and with a liter of water and tea under my belt, I mandolined my right ring finger.

There was a sudden spray of blood. Then there was a heartfelt "Oh, SHIT" from me, as I realized that the suddenly-numb sensation in my right paw was due to my having halfway cut off my right ring finger. I tried everything: direct pressure, flour, glue: nothing worked for longer than I care to think about. Poor Beth, who hates her own blood and has a tenuous relationship with other people's blood, mopped up mine for the 40 minutes it took for shit to stop happenin'.

I'm more than a little annoyed that this happened while I was sober. Beth is more than a little annoyed that she had to scrub blood off my spice shelves. AND I had to throw away a perfectly good, blood-soaked tea towel.

None of the zucchini was affected, though. Which is good: we have a Pickle Party coming up in two weeks.

I kind of wish I'd accepted Beth's offer of another bottle of wine. My finger hurts.

11 comments:

messymimi said...

Ouch! Hope it heals up quickly.

And good for Neighbor Beth for helping clean up.

Your Doctor's Wife said...

Ouch! I say forget the wine and go straight to the hard stuff. Glad someone was there with you to help you out!

JennyExplainsItAll.blogspot.com said...

The worst part is trying to keep a clean dry bandage on one's finger while the damn thing heals. I performed a similar maneuver with multi-blade herb scissors and it's still a little numb.

And excellent job on the above-and-beyond, Beth.

Allison said...

Owwwwwww. Drink more, cook less. It's safer. Glad you're back and things are ok. I was starting to worry about you.

bobbie said...

Bless Beth ~~~

Anitra said...

As a former professional chef, let me just say that mandolins are DEADLY and I refuse to use one, EVER!!!!!! My brain skipped over the "mandolined" part, at first, and was trying to figure out how you cut your right finger. I blame the hour (12:15 am). Have no real advise other that pressure and finger "condoms" in addition to the gloves you'd normally wear anyway.

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Oh man, i hate them too and won't use one for that same reason you are now suffering... I am so sorry you are hurt.

Shirley, surely said...

Sometimes, when I'm cutting veggies with my old, dull knife, I consider getting a mandolin. Then I read a story like yours (I've read several!), and decide that, even though there's nothing more dangerous in the kitchen than a dull knife, there really is something more dangerous. And I keep carefully cutting my veggies with this old knife.

Comrade Physioprof said...

I agree it's totally fucken lame to slice the shitte out of yourself while cooking sober. At least when you're drunke, you've earned it!

Penny Mitchell said...

Um, don't do that. Thank you.

Brad S. said...

How can you be sure your drinking had no influence?

The effects of alcohol, like sleep deprivation, can be subtle and hard-to-recognize.