Dr. Crane: "You got that out yet?"
Me: "No."
Dr. Crane: "Why not?"
Me: "I ain't showin' you the hole in my head unless you give me a nickel."
Dr. Crane solemnly borrowed a nickel from his nurse, handed it to me, and shined the light in my mouth. He told me later that he really ought to be getting a cut of whatever I make on that trick. Then, after turning away to his notes for a moment, he turned back and said (again solemnly), "See what I did there? CUT! Ha."
Anyway, I'm healing well, but as he said, I have a lot of healing left to do. I can probably go back to work in two weeks or thereabouts, provided I'm intelligible enough and have stamina enough to wear the obdurator for twelve hours at work.
And in the sheesh....department, I got a very snippy letter today from the folks at CoUnited InterInsurance SuperCorp. Seems they'd been trying to get hold of me on the phone, and couldn't manage to do so, and could I please call them at my earliest opportunity to make sure that CoUnited InterInsurance SuperCorp was facilitating the Best Care Possible for me?
As is the case on every. single. piece of paperwork. I get. from the insurance company, this one had a header with my diagnosis and treatment: LGPA WITH RIGHT TOTAL PALATECTOMY, ALVEOLAR RESECTION, LEFT PARTIAL PALATECTOMY.
This particular piece of paperwork had been signed by either a human or a very human-like computer, in ball-point-pen. Yet it had not occurred to this human--or to any other one at CUIISC--that I might have trouble talking because I have nothing left of the back of my throat or the roof of my mouth.
I'm going to write the happy people at CUIISC a very nice letter in the morning, telling them that I'm sorry I've missed their calls and that I'll be happy to return them as soon as I am physically able to speak. But only if they give me a nickel first.
why am i not surprised.....
ReplyDeleteNow I've got a crush on Dr. Crane.
ReplyDeletepretty sure happy insurance company has no idea what those big words mean!
ReplyDeleteAnon, friend Pens the Lotion Slut did ask at one point if it was okay to consider him hot, in a sort of middle-aged, floppy-haired, nerdy surgeon way. I told her it was fine, then went off and washed my hands about six hundred times.
ReplyDeleteOne does not think of one's surgeon in such an...unbridled fashion.
I would like to point out that Beloved Sis also thought Dr. Crane was hot. While not everyone in this family is a deviant, the best people are.
ReplyDeleteI dunno ~ the guy who did my colectomy last year is/was TOTALLY hot!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete;-)))
Please be sure to keep us posted as to the CUIISC's response is...
I am in love with Dr. Crane. =)
ReplyDeletePlease write an oh-so polite yet scathing letter to CUIISC. You could even share the best parts of it with us.
Work in two weeks or so? Wowzer!
LoLs for CorpSeCorps health insurance company lulzs.
ReplyDeleteMiss u bad.
-bedab
How's the speaking bulb supposed to fxn?
ReplyDelete-asourim
Insurance companies are morons and employ some very seriously thoughtless folks.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely did not have your sense of humor 'ectomy'd' out!
Get ready for it, I'm still getting stuff from the insurance company about Little Girl's arm from back in June, something about a penny they think they owe the doctor, and could I provide proof.
ReplyDeleteI even went in to the doc's office and offered them the penny, but according to their records, we don't owe it. It costs them how much, and they mail me a notice about proving what the penny if for each month, and I have proof sent they don't owe it, and then the next month...
I think Dr Crane sounds fabulous. And I can't believe the insurance company is hassling you! What do they want to talk to you for?? (Unless it's to push you to go back to work early - I hope that's not it.)
ReplyDeleteI'm awed at your composure with every bit of this scenario. Inspirational.
ReplyDeleteOh, and yeah, longtime lurker. Who's sent up a few prayers on your behalf.
LOL. You should be asking for more than a nickel.
ReplyDelete