2. It is never to be given any seriously frightened mindspace after the first week (unless circumstances warrant seriously frightened mindspace).
3. InkGrrrl's description of "steel-toothed brain ferrets" will be the baseline for all descriptions of CANCER/CAAAAANSUH-related anxiety.
4. "I have cancer" is only an excuse if you use it tongue-in-cheek. Or maybe to get more chocolate. I have plenty of chocolate; want some?
5. If you have to fuck with it, it's cancer.
If I ever get CANCER I hereby pledge to live by these rules.
ReplyDeleteLove the steel toothed brain ferrets image - might share it with some of my patients who struggle with thoughts that can be overwhelming at times.
ReplyDeleteGlad you are back at work for now - your work stories are great ones!
Where I work we have a new ad campaign encouraging volunteerism - "you have two hands, one to help yourself and one to help someone else." What does it say about me that it always makes me think of heavy petting teenagers???!!!
steel toothed brain ferrets!! YES I love that one!!
ReplyDeleteI like #4.
ReplyDeleteGod-awful jackass you wouldn't date in a million years: "So you *buuuuurp* wanna go get a beer?"
Jo: "Oooh, sorry, can't - I have cancer."
Co-worker: "So can I count on you to buy yet more of little Timmy's school fundraiser crap?"
Jo: "I'd love to, but I have cancer."
Officer: "Ma'am, did you realize you were doing 95 in a 25 zone?"
Jo: "I'm so sorry, officer! I have cancer, you see."
Atilla: "Come on, you pansy! Just 50 more push-ups!"
Jo: "Are you sure that's a good idea, what with my cancer and all?"
I'm with Laura!
ReplyDeleteSpa Lady: Your gift certificate for an all day spay extravaganza expired two months ago
Jo: I know, but I have cancer.
Cranky Airlines Counterperson : You are too late, we cannot get you on that flight so you will have to buy a far more expensive flight that has 5 layovers and gets routed through three very scary world hotspots.
Jo: But please, oh Cranky Airlines Counterperson, you cannot to that to me, I HAVE CANCER.
After the cops show up and Jo is found standing over the cowering owner of a liquor store...
He said he had no whiskey left and I know he still has some in the back and I will not be denied because I HAVE CANCER!
Work it girl!
Barb
I like #4 also, and shall hereafter refer to my occasional panic attacks as "steel-toothed brain ferrets", as I have had ferrets as pets and know firsthand the damage those teeth can really do.
ReplyDeleteInkGrrrl's mention of a blankie of awesome and win has also sparked something that will be showing up in your mailbox soon.
ReplyDeleteShe IS the gift that keeps on giving!
I Had Cancer too, so what ? At least I know who my enemy is !
ReplyDeleteYou will get over it one year down the rocky road :D God Bless