Today, young Padawan Jo learned that the Snark has a light side and a dark side, and that, unlike the folks on the dark side of the Force, amateur practitioners of the Snark's dark power are unlikely to get cookies.
About a month ago, I compiled a list of blog crushes, including a blog called Door Sixteen in the mix. In the blurb about D16, I said quite honestly that any time my friends and I or Beloved Sister have to reference something that would require skill, artistic vision, and perfectionist tendencies, we call it a "D16" for short. That's as in "I couldn't manage that, dammit, because I'd screw it up and have to throw it away, but jeebus grits, what nice work."
Well, then I threw out a one-off about how Anna probably wipes her ass with hundred-dollar bills.
Anna read that as hurtful, and rightly called me out on it.
See, normally I assume (what's that they say about assuming? Oh, yeah. That's why I have these long grey ears) that when I'm snarky, it'll be broad enough that it's obviously parodying or self-parodying. This time it wasn't. It came across as bitchy and mean-spirited, which was the last thing I intended.
So, in trying to be clever, I hurt somebody else's feelings.
It might surprise long-time readers of HN that I care about other people's feelings. I do; that's why I try to make sarcasm as broad and obvious as it can be, and that's why I anonymize patients, doctors, and coworkers to the point that *I* don't even recognize them a month or so later.
This time, though, I judged badly and was way off. Anna, I am really sorry. I do admire both your blog and the work you've put in to your house and design projects. I didn't ever intend to imply that you're an over-funded dilettante (dammit, even when I'm being sincere, I come off as snarky. Shit) who spends frivolously rather than working hard or who's wasteful with resources. You were completely right in slapping me on the back of the head.
I'm going to go off now and chew over this lesson. The President was right when he said the word "jackass"; he just got the names mixed up.
Yup, happens to all of us. Hope she forgives and forgets.
ReplyDeleteIt was snarky. But ... hurtful? I don't see hurtful.
ReplyDeleteIt's good of you to say "Even though I didn't mean it that way, it affected you that way and I'm really sorry." That's, like, mature and generous and stuff.
certainly not the first time something has been misunderstood over the internet ... i hope she accepts your apology.
ReplyDeleteand, just wanted to thank you for sharing her blog. my eyes kind of glazed over the first time you mentioned it, as i'm not really into home design (it took me a year to hang up anything on the wall in my apartment ... and that's an accomplishment for me). but seriously, i just checked it out and that is some gorgeous stuff. might have to go back there if/when i get up the motivation to decorate for real.
Without the snark, there can be no light. Learn from this lesson, but do not abandon the great gift of sarcasm.
ReplyDeleteEh. Nice of you to apologize. Hope she appreciates, tho, that you directed your hundreds of blog readers to her site.
ReplyDeleteBeloved Sis: I obviously didn't read it as hurtful, and neither did you, but who cares what *we* think? Anna's the one who got her feelings hurt, and that's what matters.
ReplyDeleteAnd Anon, Anna has more followers that she can count on the fingers of both feet already. :-)