My deepest apologies.

I had intended this to be a post on my new Littman Cardiology Master stethoscope. I bought it because I realized that I'll actually be expected to *use* the damn thing in the CCU, rather than just wearing it around my neck as decoration. Let's face it: on a neuro floor, you can mostly get away with a 'scope from Fred's Friendly Discount Stethoscope Emporium. You can borrow a good one when you need it.

This post was also supposed to talk about how I've made the best yogurt blueberry muffins on the planet, and would have probably included a recipe as well, except for Jezebel.

See, Jezebel posted this new music video that Kylie Minogue has up, promoting the Bollywood movie "Blue". "Blue" also stars Akshay Kumar, who is really pretty damned good, but the video in question is all about Ms. Minogue. She sings a song called, sadly, "Chiggy Wiggy."

It has the lyric "I wanna chiggy wiggy wit' you, boy" repeated over and over. Now, in Texas, "chiggy wiggy" means a condition that you only see in non-natives who sit on the grass in the summer. It requires liberal applications of clear nailpolish to the bites and plenty of Benadryl PO so they don't scratch themselves silly. In Bollywood, though, "Chiggy Wiggy" apparently translates to "awful song that will drill itself into your right temporal lobe and run on repeat until you want to kill yourself. Oh and by the way? The lyrics aren't the worst of it."

More disturbing than the lyrics are the backup dancers in their black fedoras, black leather ties, and gold lame pants.

More disturbing than that, even, is how Akshay comes riding in on a chandelier. Actually, that's pretty cool. I would've liked a flaming chariot, but a flaming chariot wouldn't have gone with the whole Bombay Night Club theme, so a chandelier will do. Don't ask me what the other guy is doing there, or where the chicks in bikinis came from.

See, Jez posted this damn thing with the embed code that makes it start up as soon as you open the site. I am not doing that to you, because I love you (each and every one of you, readers, truly!) just that much. That said, click on the video below at your peril--especially if you are my father. Dad, I know you love Kylie Minogue, but if you walk around humming "Chiggy Wiggy" over and over, Mom is going to kill you.

So, without further ado, the thing that has distracted me from my lovely new stethoscope and my lovely blueberry muffins and damned me to a life of chiggy-wiggy-ness: