Thursday, November 06, 2008

JAMES JAMES MORRISON'S MOTHER/SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN MISLAID


Has anybody seen my parents? If so, could you please contact me and let me know they're okay? 

I'm afraid, what with the outcome of this election, that they've decided to move somewhere more right-wing without telling Beloved Sister and me.

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Max has learned to bay.

He's made great friends with an extremely wiggly, extremely friendly half-grown Basset hound down the street (whose owners are kind enough to let her off-leash to come visit him) and has learned her tricks.

Given that she's a bass and he's more tenor-to-alto in his baying, it makes for a funny duet. You hear the lower, deeper dog noise and expect that Max would be making it, but instead it's Gretchen The Basset. Max is the one whining and whickering in a high voice and baying way up, an octave above Gretchen's bay.

Max and I sang a duet to the passing ambulances and firetrucks the other day, and Gretchen joined in from four houses down. 

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Today I did 60 pushups, military-not-girly, and then did 60 lat pullups with 20 pounds and some shoulder rows (30 lbs) and some shrugs (20 lbs) and 60 Aaaahnuhld bicep curls with 15 libs apiece. My upper body is a thing of beauty. It's also very, very sore.

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If you are a rehab nurse with a patient on a bowel program, please, please make sure the patient actually takes a shit now and then. Especially after they have a barium swallow. That will save me from the fun of milk-and-molasses enemas followed by slow Go-Lytely feeds followed by projectile vomiting (the patient's, not mine), followed by the realization that there are now no bowel sounds where there used to be a few, followed by Reglan IV, followed by erythromycin in an attempt to get the bowels loosened up, followed by an admission of failure, a GI service consult, and surgery.

Thank you. Really.

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I do not think, coruscating feminist that I am, that it is sexist to ask what the fuck was up with Michelle Obama's dress the other night.

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Have I mentioned how glad I am that we will have a vice president who doesn't believe that Adam and Eve co-existed with dinosaurs? I mean, really. Do people like Sarah Palin (young-Earth creationists, that is) use antibiotics? Or any sort of genetic testing? Or any of the boons that science has granted us? Because if they do, they should be outed as hypocrites.

It puts me in mind of a Doonesbury cartoon from a year or more ago, in which a doctor was telling his patient that he (the patient) had TB. He offered the patient the option of prayer or antibiotics, reassuring the guy that the antibiotics were "intelligently designed".

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If anybody has any good sources for upholstery fabric, please email me at the link to the right.

5 comments:

Karin said...

ebay (for the fabric)

RehabNurse said...

If you are a rehab nurse with a patient on a bowel program, please, please make sure the patient actually takes a shit now and then.

Shoot that one if he/she can't verify pooping....for shame! They shouldn't be called a rehab nurse if they don't know the pooping schedule. That is just criminal!

I second Karin's comment...we got 50s mod fabric for our dining room chairs on eBay at a very good deal.

Penny said...

Will you still love me if I state that I kind of liked her dress? I didn't like it insofar as I'd actually wear it, but I liked how it was really different but not slutty.

Sarah Palin always looked slutty to me. But maybe that's because I hate her with a fire of a thousand burning nukular plants. Could be.

Reboot said...

"Sarah Palin always looked slutty to me."

But not in a good way.

R

girl_in_greenwood said...

I hope it doesn't creep you out that I kind of want to reach through the computer and kiss you for the title of this post.

You must never go down
To the end of the town
Without
Consulting
ME.