Carnival of Crackpots!

Once, many years ago, I read a book called Letters to Ms. It had selections from the first ten years of the magazine's editorial letters, divided into sections like "Praise", "Criticism" and "Crackpots". In the introduction, the editor told the story of how Gloria Steinem once got a postcard accusing her of being a "Commie witch bitch lesbo...who sleeps with n$#*%*#s. Isn't that just like a Jew?" Ms. Steinem reportedly pinned the postcard up in her office to remind her of what she was doing right.

May got an interesting comment the other day about how female nurses are perverts who grope unconscious male patients. It was, of course, in all caps. No other content, either; apparently the crackpot who sent that one in had only that to say.

And I get the occasional crackpot as well. It's not enough that people post bizarre two- or three-word comments ("Obama Sucks!" "Clinton Kills Babies!" "Repent or DIE!"); sometimes they send me emails, too. The most recent one was a Photoshopped picture of Obama shining Sarah Palin's shoes. Lovely. 

Then there was the long, ambitious screed about how nurses these days look totally unprofessional in scrubs and should wear dresses and pumps instead, with white stockings. If the guy (yes, it was a guy) writing had stopped there, it wouldn't have reached Crackpot status, but he continued rambling, working in Feminazis and lesbians and the death of American society and how we were all going to burn when the Second Coming finally shows up, and how if men would only take back their rightful place in society, things would get considerably better, what with the Blacks and Jews and Wimmins knowing their place again, and all had gone wrong because nurses now wear pants.

Paragraph breaks, people. Paragraph breaks. Just because you're insane doesn't mean you should ignore the rules of composition.

And, of course, I get the occasional Crap Email From A Dude (Jezebel FTW), usually somebody who is or claims to be a third- or fourth-year medical student or a first-year resident, about how much nurses in general and I in particular suck. Mostly those are over-written, longish screeds that have a high syllable-to-content ratio. Only once has one been even vaguely threatening, and that poor sot wrote from his school address. With his actual name attached. And all the ISP information there, too. 

*sigh* What is it with kids these days? Back when *I* was writing veiled threats in email, I not only was grateful to be able to do it on a greenscale screen, but I knew enough to use a Web-based email anonymizer.

Overall, I would say that the male-to-female ratio of Crackpots is four or five to one. The men are more concerned with me being a ball-busting feminazi bitch who castrates the decent, hardworking men she runs across (actual quote!) or my refusal to fit into their stereotype of nurse-as-handmaiden and tend therefore to be more openly offensive. The few female practitioners of Crackpottery are much, much more worried about the state of my eternal soul and whether or not, with my attitude, I'll ever find a nice (presumably uncastrated; won't that be a surprise to ChefBoy) man to marry. Once in a while they send things that play music and show fluttering putti or cherubs or whatever when you open them, then cause my virus-snagger to go nuts.

There are a lot of really, really cool emails too. The vast majority of emails I get are from people who were either students or new nurses when I started blogging, or who went back to school in part (so they say) because of what I've written here. That warms the cockles of my hard, blackened, castrating feminazi heart. Or it would, if I hadn't already given it to Satan to show my allegiance (actual quote!)

I'll just keep deleting the nasties and keeping the nice ones for now. Meanwhile, I'm off to make a big ol' pan of macaroni and cheese and some tasty castrated-male soup with a side of shredded nurse caps. Yum!