Friday, January 11, 2008

Cost/Benefit

Benefits of narcotics:

1. Freedom from pain.

2. Ability to hurple around house without cursing.

Drawbacks of narcotics:

1. Itch.

2. Weird sleeping patterns.

3. Inability to concentrate. Look! A chicken!

4. Itch.

5. Dizziness.

6. Apathy.

7. Short-term memory deficit.

8. Itch.

9. Strange dreams.

10. Inability to drive, do paperwork, file, or handle small objects without dropping them. Don't even think of cooking.

Analysis: Jo 0, Narcs 1. I'm going back to ibuprofen.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I think "hurple" just made my day.
-Lynn

shrimplate said...

So... what about the chicken?

Jo said...

Shrimp, have you ever heard Molly Ivins's story about the chicken and the speed?

lights n steel said...

Ha! Chicken! Why is it always a chicken?

Oh, you forgot constipation!!!

KTsummers said...

really narcotics won't do you any good!

shrimplate said...

I just luuurrrves me some Molly and I dearly miss her humor and insight. I've read a few of her books, but I'm stumped...

Kim said...

LOL - ibuprofen is never given its due as a pain medication, but take enough of it and it really works.

And yeah, you forgot constipation!

: D

Jo said...

This is a class establishment, People. I do not discuss bowel troubles here.

Only pus and blood and leaking cerebrospinal fluid and carbuncles and athlete's foot and gas and other people's diarrhea.

Hope that's cleared it all up for you.

Alexandra Lynch said...

And this is why despite living with a good deal of chronic pain I really don't want to go on opiates.

And yeah, the constipation's part of it. I already have hypothyroidism, I don't need anything else to slow my gut down.

GingerJar said...

So....hummmm.... a chicken you say?? Hope your foot gets better...a little hard to hobble bed to bed at work with your foot hurting. Hum...and driving would suck too right now. I had plantar fascitis...which is not quite the same...but after cortisol injections in the "tendon head"....after which my truck quit working at 11 pm on a dark Texas byway...and I walked 5 miles and couldn't walk the next day... I somewhat understand...

Hope it gets better.

Soon.

Ginger