Chop two white onions and five stalks of celery. Sweat in half a stick of butter until soft.
Dump into a large bowl. Refill the saute pan with a pound of chopped mushrooms and melt them into a stick of unsalted butter.
Boil six cups of chicken stock. Add one stick of unsalted butter.
Toast one pound of chopped pecans at the same time you cook one pound of lean bacon in the oven.
Open two of the largest bags of Pepperidge Farm stuffing mix you can find. Use the homestyle stuff, not the cornbread stuffing, which is too sweet.
Dump them into the bowl on top of the onions and celery.
When the bacon is crisp, drain it. Add bacon, mushrooms, and pecans to the bowl of stuffing. Be glad you got the largest mixing bowl Target sells.
Pour chicken broth mixture over your stuffing and mix well. Bake for an hour or so in a casserole pan or six, until the top is crispy and the house smells marvelous.
Will feed sixteen nurses, twenty normal people, or three and a half residents.