Minor Procedural Gripes.

If you are a doctor, please, *please* do not use the nurses' computers when the doctors' computers are entirely unoccupied. And if you do, please, for your own sake, don't grouse when I say "Excuse me, please" politely and make a long arm to reach for my charting. Even if you are an attending--and I'm talking to you, Doctor Wire-Rimmed Oncologist--I will slit your belly and hold your smoking entrails up before your dying eyes if you refer to me at work as a bitch. Outside of work I'll just kick your ass.

Just so's we understand each other. That memo? Got sent. Have a nice Monday, doc.

Jack And Jill V-Cut Spicy Barbecue Flavor Potato Chips should either be available free of charge in the continental United States or banned as a controlled substance. No more importing them from the Phillipines, people. If I can only get my Spicy Barbecue Flavor Chip Fix twice a year, I get grumpy.

Which reminds me: Mom, Dad, why did you have to raise me so that my comfort foods are refritos and blackberries? Why couldn't I have been a *normal* kid?

If you're a resident, please keep in mind one simple thing: I work at one hospital. You work at three, in rotation. Therefore, I know the rules at my hospital better than you do. Your attempt to bully me into breaking the rules at my hospital because you're too lazy to come out on a Saturday will result in your attending being...unhappy. The less said about the sequelae, the better.

If you're a nursing student, please, *please* do not look at me like I've just grown a third head and am about to take a bite out of you with it. I promise, I want you to succeed. I will go to a lot of trouble to make sure you get a good clinical experience. Just don't stammer and go silent when I say "Hello". I like you. I really like you.

Note to other nurses: If a patient is deaf or does not speak English, yelling will not make them suddenly un-deaf or fluent. A lot can be accomplished with smiles and nods and an interpreter.

I don't care if you drive a Prius: don't go 45 in the passing lane.

I'm off to my usual Sunday comfort-food and "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" fest. And I hate the producers, actors, and director of "Grey's Stupid Whiny Anatomy" for making me curious about what happens between Meredith and Doctor McFacelift in the season premiere. I hate them. Hate them. And yet....I wonder.

Burke is much, much hotter, by the way. But Gregory House? Hottest of all.

He can almost kill me five times in forty-two minutes any time.