Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Wow.

Just...wow.

I opened my email box yesterday afternoon, about an hour and a half after posting "Gee, Officer Krupke!" and found more than two dozen emails. Some were comments on the blog postings about my brain; others were just emails, sent to say "hang in there" or "throwing yourself under a bus is a bad idea" or "look at me; I'm stable and healthy and have been doing this for thirty years".

I can't thank you all enough. It's a relief to know, of course, that you're not alone, but it's also a relief to know that there are people in the world who are nutjobs like me but who can also use paragraph breaks and spell correctly.

A couple of points I need to clear up: I am not going to toss myself off a high building, or even a low one. Suicide is not attractive in the least.

Also, I'm feeling better. Either I have the fastest chemical-reaction time known to man or this is the placebo effect; either way, I'm not arguing. This happened the first time I upped my dosage of Effexor, from 37.5 to 75, even though "everybody says" that it takes a week or two. I'm a little speedy yet, but feeling much better.

Too, I think I figured out what Doc Pedro meant by "rapid cycling". The last time I saw him was March of 2005, and he didn't get the date right. He thought I'd gone from peachy to miserable in three months, not in fourteen. Regardless, I'm still going to find a shrink. I got a little grumpy when I realized Pedro hadn't read my chart right, for Chrissake, but that just reinforces my next two points:

Doctors are human and can screw up, especially in minor ways, especially when they're stressed out; and,

It's never a bad idea to hold up a hand and say "Wait. Stop. I don't understand." If *I* can fail to do that, as somebody who's used to dealing with doctors all the time, *anybody* can.

Still, shrink it is. Brain chemistry is a specialty, and I have some questions about my med that Pedro couldn't answer.

Thank you all again for your emails and comments. It was really and truly like being borne up on a huge wave.

5 comments:

Kate said...

I have been unable to post for DAYS. I'm glad that the mailto link was working for everyone else, at least.

I'm also glad you put that "e" on "borne." Needing brain chemicals doesn't mean being illiterate.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jo -

Nurses know better than most that:
1. You must listen to your body.
2. You have to dig for the info yourself and not depend on the docs.

You have good instincts and you're good at both. There are lots of people pulling for you -- and who understand what you're going through on the job and off.

I really hope you start feeling much better. And don't stop posting. I learn a lot from you and take away smiles because I understand exactly where you're coming from, even when you rant!

Count me as one of the old RNs...

Tiesha said...

I read your last post and I'm sorry I never had a chance to comment. It was moving though and I can totally relate. Thank you for being so open! I'm glad your feeling better! My primary care treated me for about 15 months and worked with me to wean from Paxil (so far so good after about a month), but I agree with you on the "shrink." I think I would have felt safer with a specialist. Thanks again for that post!

woolywoman said...

Well, I'm a late wave, but yeah, chronic conditions can be managed, life can be good, and anti depressents are wonder drugs. Do the diabetic comparison- high blood sugar makes you whacko, and almost everyone thinks you should treat it. Depression makes you whacko, and everyone who thinks you shouldn't treat it is just plain wrong. ( In case you've lost track, that would mean that I, and by association, you, are right. Don't argue with the nurse.)

shrimplate said...

Just know, and I mean really honestly accept-this-beyond-all-possible-human-denial KNOW that we all love you and look forward to the things that you have to write.

Right here, right now, you are the best of all your peers in the realm of "nurse-blogging."

With that honor comes responsibility: the charge to continue, despite all odds.

Is that not the coolest thing like ever?

Somebody once said that "pizza was like sex; even when it's not that good, it's still very, very good."

Gee... does that apply to the blogging of somebody else we all know?

Hell yes, dudette.