What a week.
In honor of the week just past, I present: The 2005 Nursing Weirdness Awards.
Best Line Used In The Context of Patient Care:
"Time to disimpact the midget."
Best New Use of An Old Standby Drug:
"I need a Uroject (lidocaine jelly) to help with this disimpaction."
(No, there's no theme here.)
Best Use of Medical Equipment:
The use of an IV pole by one of our security guys to fend off a violent, confused patient who was attacking nurses.
Best Use of Food Items:
Stacking two bags of white rice and a bottle of molasses from the kitchen around a free-standing drainage bag in order to keep it from tipping over. No, you don't want to know what was in the drainage bag, or even how big it was. And no, I don't know why we had two ten-pound bags of white rice in the clean utility room.
Best Line from an Attending Physician:
(On observing a widespread rash on a patient's back) "Oh, no. I don't know anything about *that*" (while backing away).
Best Line from a Resident:
"Next thing you know, they'll be expecting me to follow up with this guy in clinic."