If this is "ER", I want my makeup artist.

We had one of those Sundays that happens only on medical dramas: nurses chugging down the hall at a dead run, stethoscopes flying, scissors bouncing out of pockets, yelling things like "I need OXYGEN!" and "TWO MILLIGRAMS ATIVAN! STAT!" We sent three people to CT for emergent scans--one person twice--which led me to point out to the neurosurgery resident on call that, with two more scans, we'd get a free eggroll.

Therefore, I present

What I Cook On My Day Off

A really great layered sandwich:

Chop up a bottle of pitted kalamata olives. Mix these little guys, all chopped up, with enough mayonnaise to make a semi-creamy glop. Then add some good mustard and a clove of crushed garlic.

Slice the top off of and yank the innards out of a round loaf of bread. Spread the olive mixture on the bottom and up the sides. Schmear some more on the cut side of the top.

Layer salami, prosciutto, and pastrami into the cavity in the bread, alternating with chopped seeded tomato and provelone and fresh mozzerella cheese. If you're feeling adventurous, toss a few chopped-up basil leaves in there occasionally. Red pepper or thinly sliced red onion is good, too.

Keep layering and packing the sandwich goodies in there tightly until you've reached the top. Now slap the top of the loaf on, squash it all down, and bake for forty-five minutes or so, wrapped in foil, at about 400 degrees.

Yank it out and slice into wedges. Serve with salad or potato salad or strawberries with cream.

Just now my hands are stained yellow-green and smell strongly of dill. In Mom and Dad's neighborhood, dill grows wild in vacant lots. Here I have to buy it in plastic packages at the store, then toss it in the blender with black pepper and yogurt. I still serve it over cucumbers or with chicken breast, though.