Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Welcome to the other side of the stethoscope.

I now have two chronic health problems.

I am too fat. And my blood pressure is too high.

It's a sure bet that my cholesterol numbers, if my doctor knew them, would cause his eyes to bulge out like Large Marge's from "Peewee's Big Adventure." However, neither he nor I know them, because I haven't had my cholesterol tested in...far too long.

So now I'm on the other side of the stethoscope, with a stern lecture from my doctor on my weight (which is about 25 pounds too much) and my BP (about 15 points too high on both numbers) and my lifestyle (cheeseburgers are a food group, right?) and my stress level (contact dermatitis that worsens whenever I go to work).

It doesn't help that my doctor is normally the non-lecturing type. Some of these guys lecture as a way of life when they're not out climbing Everest or keeping their cholesterol at 133. This doctor doesn't lecture. Instead, he cheerleads.

Not today, though. So here I am, beginning a new phase of my life: close contact with my primary-care physician.

This week I'm not eating anything bigger than I am (cow, pig, sturgeon). Next week I'll cut out animals that pair-bond. I'm sure I have some vegetables somewhere, and I seem to remember a treadmill in the workout room. In a month I'll have a follow-up exam, and by God, he'd better see some results.

Oh, dear.

1 comment:

xoxoys said...

Having pleasures in life that do not involve food at all sounds like such a simple thing, doesn't it? But it isn't.

The no-junk-food thing you started me on is easy so far. Of course, I haven't been to the office yet.