tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post3673521331806527144..comments2023-06-14T03:36:55.988-07:00Comments on Head Nurse: The identity of illness.Johttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16520599099436383317noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-68180222116897910642011-03-14T02:04:10.085-07:002011-03-14T02:04:10.085-07:00I'm a two year cancer survivor. And I use the...I'm a two year cancer survivor. And I use the term survivor even though I had no chemo or radiation. I lost a kidney, have a huge scar (16 inches long) and was told I would never get off the operating table. Showed them! And I will continue to show them, even though cancer is forever a part of me, I am surviving.<br /><br />You are too. Of course it changed you, but, you will find a way to integrate it into who you are. <br /><br />My cancer has a 50% 20 year survivor rate. Scary as hell as I am only in my 30s, but, you have to let it go and live and plan like you aren't going to have a recurrence. If you don't you'll just go crazy.<br /><br />I say this as someone with anxiety and depression issues. I've had to let a lot of it go so I don't lose it completely.Suzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16516232798296353442noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-65841344077385855962011-03-14T00:26:13.390-07:002011-03-14T00:26:13.390-07:00Jo, I haven't ever had a diagnosis of cancer, ...Jo, I haven't ever had a diagnosis of cancer, (although, through the years, I've had "suspicious" biopsy tissue sent from my cervix, uterus, and breast to the Pathology Lab). <br /><br />Something else that might bear mentioning here, too, is that IF you can gradually/successfully integrate your illness, (i.e., your cancer), into your identity NOW, it might, in a way, help you to integrate something else----(in the far distant future)----into your identity THEN. <br /><br />And that "something else" is............ your retirement from active, Direct Patient Care Nursing. <br /><br />Right now, your genuine; honest-to-God; no kidding; almost complete-and-total; astonishingly/admirably competent; and extraordinarily intelligent/compassionate personal identity is that of............ "NURSE JO." When you eventually have to give all of that up, at some point in the far distant future----(as we all, as nurses, will eventually have to do, or have done)----WHO will you be, then, if you won't EVER be "Nurse Jo"............ again?? Not *EVER* again, either on a weekday shift; a weekend shift; or on a holiday shift, doing Direct Patient Care; (or proctoring other nurses/students)??<br /><br />IF you can gradually/successfully integrate your illness, (i.e., your cancer), INTO your identity NOW----(and I definitely think you will)----in the far distant future, integrating "Not Being Staff Nurse Jo Anymore" INTO your identity THEN............ maybe won't be as hard. <br /><br />Two honkin'-big "Life Tasks," you know, Jo, i.e., integrating "Cancer" INTO your core identity now - integrating, (in the far distant future), "Retirement" INTO your core identity, even though............ (and I kind of think that most of the readers of your HN Blog would maybe agree here)............ that even when you're "Retired Nurse Jo"; and you never-ever take care of an "official" hospital/clinic patient again; (or proctor other nurses/students), that you will ALWAYS BE "Nurse Jo"............ *inside*............ and to your friends/family/others.Rosannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17290435002631069643noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-47993001665460405292011-03-13T15:23:40.847-07:002011-03-13T15:23:40.847-07:00This is not the same situation, but it bears menti...This is not the same situation, but it bears mentioning here: Friend Kim's paternal grandfather was convinced every day of his life that he was dying. I am in no way exaggerating. Every. Single. Day. he was convinced that the twinge in his arm was a heart attack or the ache at the base of his head was cancer. He started doing this when he was in his 20s, according to family legend. He kept it up to the point where very few people wanted to hang out with him. ALL he could talk about was his health, and how he knew FOR REAL THIS TIME that he was going to die soon.<br /><br />He lived to be 103.<br /><br />I've never had cancer, but I could die tomorrow from a blown aneurysm/stroke/bad driving decision. So could you. Or you could live to be 103 like Grandpa Mann. You basically can't control how you die. How you spend your last 24 hours (whether you're in the middle of them right now, or they're going to happen at some point in 2074)...that you CAN control. <br /><br />Easy for me to say, I know, but: Don't let the fear win.Penny Mitchellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13154829540938334107noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-90821205901819539832011-03-13T07:10:50.367-07:002011-03-13T07:10:50.367-07:00Ditto to all the above from me too. I thought havi...Ditto to all the above from me too. I thought having cancer was't something that changed who I was but then I noticed I didn't worry anymore like I used to. And I had generalized anxiety disorder, lie-awake-at-night anxiety, since forever. Now, I am like, whatever. I want to enjoy the now rather than fill my time with fears for the future and regrets about the past - I used up all my worry getting through treatment I guess. And I feel a deeper sense of myself and connection to spirit although not in a formal, churchy, way. So cultivate mindfulness Jo, it keeps you centered.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-70061465120737923842011-03-11T14:27:17.435-08:002011-03-11T14:27:17.435-08:00Listen to Kristen. You didn't know it was the...Listen to Kristen. You didn't know it was there before; you don't know if you're going to get in a car accident tomorrow. Not much point in organizing your life & your thoughts around something that might happen more than a decade out.<br /><br />I've sent a couple of other messages - I'm the too-lazy-to-create-an-id brain cancer "survivor" & I've asked myself the same questions often. Although my cancer is very scary sounding (sure scared me!), in reality I've had surgery with little pain & easy recovery, and a whole lot of MRIs. Kinda feels like cheating to call myself a survivor. People can have a much worse time falling off their bikes.<br /><br />And I think, well, it'll probably come back some day. Maybe I should worry a little now so I don't get blindsided by a great big worry then. But 1) that might not even work, and 2) I've thought it over & would just as soon risk the shock and enjoy things here and now.<br /><br />I think that's the really big thing we can learn from that close encounter with the scary disease. Don't leave stuff on your to-do list that you'd really kick yourself for not doing. Go for it. And since it's obvious that you love lots about your life, keep on living it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-83440021215116950332011-03-11T11:33:05.894-08:002011-03-11T11:33:05.894-08:00Jo:
I'm with Kirstin.
Have fun doing whateve...Jo:<br /><br />I'm with Kirstin.<br /><br />Have fun doing whatever the hell you want to do. Make those plans and keep going.<br /><br />And if Mr. C. comes back again, beat the crap outta him. Again. And again, if you have to do it to get what you want.<br /><br />I truly believe life is too short. I have lost too many friends in the last year not to appreciate the moments I have had. <br /><br />I'm gonna take every one I can get.RehabRNhttp://rehabrn.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-55994266123321686212011-03-11T06:33:01.800-08:002011-03-11T06:33:01.800-08:00I think you have integrated this illness into your...I think you have integrated this illness into your identity already. <br /><br />Your priorities are modified, your self-view is changed, your mortality is more apparent to you.TheSchaftnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-83385501951601630692011-03-10T18:02:10.035-08:002011-03-10T18:02:10.035-08:00You had valuable bodily real estate amputated. Ho...You had valuable bodily real estate amputated. How could you NOT be a cancer survivor? It's not a baby cancer when it costs you part of your body. It was the real deal, not some little sunspot on your nose.<br /><br />As far as integration goes, maybe there is some other painful or unpleasant thing you came through that you can look to for inspiration.Celestenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-13124000343397704962011-03-10T14:46:37.243-08:002011-03-10T14:46:37.243-08:00Do you want to hear from someone who's been fi...Do you want to hear from someone who's been fighting melanoma for three years, has brain mets, has had chemo, is getting radiation... and looks fucking invincible?<br /><br />Because I get it.<br /><br />Celebrate now. This is what you know you have. It's never too early.Kirstinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07928583212781425068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-35918835121822212282011-03-10T14:25:40.503-08:002011-03-10T14:25:40.503-08:00Ah, but Jo, the fact that your aware of that sword...Ah, but Jo, the fact that your aware of that sword over your head of a possible recurrence and that you cut your hair and worried so much and didn't sleep well and feared and went through all the other emotions that having cancer cause MEANS you are a cancer survivor. It isn't how big or visible is your scar but you've joined the "elite" club of folks that can no longer pretend that they are going to live forever. That's why you particularly enjoy that sunny afternoon. Face it, you've changed and you DO deserve the Cancer Survivor badge.joykennnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6833607.post-466842963299430832011-03-10T13:43:33.038-08:002011-03-10T13:43:33.038-08:00Right here, right now, you've kicked it's ...Right here, right now, you've kicked it's ass. It took a piece of you as payback, sure, but it's gone and you're not. Definitely celebrate babe. You've earned it.inkgrrlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16735828732037626116noreply@blogger.com