Sung to the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel"

*strumming guitar*

I woke up at one this morning
And didn't know what to do
My eyes were welded shut with
This nasty yellow goo

Oh, I've got the pinkeye, baby
Yeah, I've got the pinkeye, baby
And don't'cha know I
Wanna diiiieeeee

I went to see the doctor
And all she said was "Wow...
"You sure 'nuff got the pinkeye
"Go fill this scrip right now"

'Cause I got the pinkeye, baby,
Yeah, I got the pinkeye baby,
And I got this burning
In my eeeeyyyyeeeeessss

I went on to the drugstore
And there the folks all screamed
They'd never seen the pinkeye
Be quite this bad, it seemed

And oh, I say
I got the pinkeye, baby
Yeah, I got the pinkeye, baby
And I am so bummed that I could cry.

Downside: I have to throw away all my eye makeup. Upside: I get to buy new stuff, which means I could conceivably change my image from Competent Nurse to Crazy Punk Rocker.

Downside: I have seven days of truly disgusting eyedrops. Upside: The drops kill even C. perfringens, so I won't get gas gangrene in my eyeballs.